Woe

            It appeared like it was going to be any other ordinary day.  Stepping from the Temple of Loviatar and into the swamps, I inhaled deeply and felt an odd sense of exhilaration.  Considering this odd sensation, I began walking south, on the North Road, towards the city of Sable.  The skies above me gathered with dark clouds and I realized a storm was brewing.  As the horizon darkened, a thought struck me and I could already tell, this was not going to be any ordinary day.

             I sat in the Green Griffin for the longest time, mulling over an ale that I really didn’t feel like drinking.  I considered my walk and the thoughts that had poured through my mind.  There was a craving rising within myself to create a misery, an anguish that would never be forgotten.  Looking back over the years, I realized it had been some time since I’d offered a sacrifice of torture and despair to the wondrous mistress of Suffering, Wisdom and Vengeance, and I felt it was about time I rediscovered this art.  With all of my work, of late, I had not enjoyed the chance to step away and truly delve into the wondrous nature of pain and misery.  

             Considering the things that affected me with the greatest of irritations and those around me who had a great potential to inflict suffering.  I decided to use love as a tool to create some havoc and awaken the taste of anguish within someone.  It was of the utmost that I choose well among the many people who traveled through the city of Sable.  It would take a specific person to try my idea upon.  For, I was completely aware of the personalization of suffering and that I would have to see them as no one else, so I might summon their greatest of pain. 

     As I started on this personal journey, I realized there was a lot I didn’t know nor did I understand much surrounding the concept of loving another or being loved in return.  I watched those around me who stated their love for one another was everlasting, however, many times this everlasting love was lost after a year or two of being together.  This is not what I wanted, I wished to truly bring to life love within another individual, so I might truly test it’s power.  It wasn’t going to be easy, but then, I never back down from a challenge.

             Over the years, I watched many people come and go.  Saw faces and souls that appealed to me.  I watched them with their ideas of becoming heroes and of their plans to save the realm, or destroy it, as the case may be.  Smiling and with little difficulty I soon had them talking about themselves, which was quite an appealing topic it seemed.  Each, however, I found lacking in what I specifically needed for my ideals.  I did not find that spark within them that I was looking for, I suppose the flash that lets you know that this person would truly love more than himself or herself.   Dismissing those that I found unsuitable, I watched for the true candidate to enter into my life. 

     Never have I felt desire for another, nor do I want to.  I did not degrade myself with the baser idea’s of carnal knowledge, for it was obvious to me this would not lead to the love I wished to use against my Sacrificial lamb.  So, I never sought out the pleasures of the flesh with anyone.  It would have been a distraction from my research.  Besides,  nothing could ever please me more than the Goddess Loviatar and I see no sense in degrading myself just to prove it.

             Then he was there.  It came as a complete shock to me as I realized it.  You see, he was truly a friend and we had many great times together.  Sitting with him, one day, we were talking about nothing at all, when I realized that he was the perfect one.  Staring at him for the longest time in silence, I deeply contemplated the thoughts that were going through my mind.  They were moving ever so quickly as the realization sunk in.   He, of course, wondered what was wrong with me and why I was acting so oddly.  Shaking it off, so as to not give away the end game, I smiled and continued with our conversation and travels.  But things had changed between us.  I viewed him differently and as I gazed upon him, I considered my Sacrifice carefully.

             I watched and waited for the longest of time.  Studying him, learning all I could about what made him who he was.  Reaching into his mind, I pulled out all the information I could find.  He was amazingly eager to share these secrets with me, even though I gave nothing in return but lies and half-truths.  At times I opened my mouth to speak and he produced the words he wanted to hear from my lips.  I wanted no mistakes, for it had taken me years to find him and I made sure the weaving of my web would entangle him completely, that the bonds would be so strong he would not break free of them.  I kept others from his side who could warn him of my machinations or draw his eye from me.  He became bound and tangled within the web, far beyond what I had expected.  My sacrifice was caught and his throat was bared to me, it was time for the end game.

             In truth, whatever the correct ingredients were to create love, I felt they had been added correctly.  For what I thought of as love, I saw within his eyes.  As pain is personal, I believe love must have a similar personal path for each to walk.  So the ingredients will change from person to person.  I do not know what causes one to fall in love, you see I missed the exact time when love appeared in his eyes, I curse myself for not paying closer attention, however, perhaps on the next time around that secret will be revealed to me. 

              I gave great consideration on how to play the game out.  Would it be better to sever the ties quickly?  To see what a flood of pain and despair all at once would do to the individual.  As I considered this choice it became less and less acceptable.  I had worked so hard on the creation that to end it so quickly would be a let down.  No, I needed to see them bleed from a thousand cuts and bruises.  To wither before my eyes.  I realized that by severing the ties completely and all at once, the pain would be overwhelming, but I knew they would be able to fight against it, then the anguish would dull more quickly and they would overcome it faster.  However, if I slowly started the process of severing the ties, making it appear to be his fault, so he would always return and attempt to right his wrongs, I would be able to enjoy my prey for quite some time.  It was a slow process, in fact, it seemed that it was much easier to make them fall for me, than it was to sever the ties.  Those ties were stronger than I had first anticipated.

             A year passed and then another.  I realized that the time had come for the ultimate betrayal.  He was angered and wishing to strike out at me in vengeance for the turmoil I had put him through the last months.  Steadily growing worse and more horrible each time I saw him.  I delved in the arts of mental torture and used techniques I had not used in years.  It truly was a most enjoyable time.  So, I gave him what he wanted.  I opened up, what he thought would be, an ideal vengeance against me.  It was time to destroy the last remaining ties that bound us.  It was done in a most eloquent way.  Through an act of betrayal.  I did not want him thinking that I had been the cause of the separation.  It would be far to easy for him to use me as a scapegoat. No, I wanted him to feel he was the cause and because of his betrayal  we were torn apart.  It went perfectly.  He did exactly as I had assumed he would and I became cruel.  I reveled in the arts of physical and mental abuse. Then, I placed him in my past, forever.

             You would think that would be the end of my tale, but it is not.  When I stepped from the Temple of Loviatar and took a deep breath, the day after finishing the game, I expected pride and exhilaration to come over me.  It did not.  I realized that, within me, was a feeling of loss.  I am aware that a Lovite must be empathic in order to create misery in another.  They must be able to see deeply into the soul and the mind if they wish to create a truly powerful despair.  Lovite’s should have already faced those demons that lie dormant within their own minds, for that gives them true understanding of who and what they are.  Only through this will they grasp the truth of their own pain and have this aura of misery surround them in its protective embrace.  Those who delve deeply into the darkness of their secretive psyche are revealed the truth of existence, which is the path the Goddess Loviatar lays before us through her divine teachings.   Lovites understand the strength and power of truth, that wielded properly cuts wounds that will never heal.  Slices deeply into the darkness of the psyche, revealing those things quite hidden from the host.  Those who are devoted to the teachings of Loviatar are very sensitive to those around them.  They have the knowledge of who and what they truly are, for they do not turn from those things hidden in the recesses of the mind.  Lovites do not mix the truth with compassion or mercy, it would only make one weak.  This allows them to comprehend the emotions of others and the reasons for their actions.  Most importantly, they realize that pain is personal.  To truly create that pure agony.  You must understand, that much of the art lies in finding out what will bring the greatest of misery to an individual.  I, however, was not counting on being caught in my own web.

             Yes, it was a pain of loss I felt.  I realized that through my machinations to place another in torment, I had opened myself to feel the pain, as well.  As I thought on it, I realized that this form of suffering was an exquisite sacrifice and fitting of the Goddess.  I learned a great deal about life and living.  There is still darkness that I cannot see into yet, however, more was revealed to me than before.  There are many things that are personal.  That you will not understand until you know the wisdom of it.  Life is like a searing path of hot coals.  There are grottos of pleasure along side this path.  You will find yourself stepping into them along the way.  They will breed stagnation.  The longer you reside within the grotto, the less hardened you become for the path.  A true Lovite will look upon the path and see the coals are ever hotter and the tender flesh remembers the searing touch.  They will step upon it again.  For that is the only way they will ever find wisdom.  The only way they will see what lies beyond the next turn.  I do not know if I felt love.  I do not know if there could possibly be a greater love to be found.  I do know that my machinations have been placed upon a shelf for a time, when dealing with this power, I realized I need to know myself more before attempting this experiment again.  Though, I have no problem staring the horror of life and reality in the face.  For Loviatar is the Goddess I bow down before and give everything that I am to.  In that, I will forever be able to overcome any obstacle with the Wisdom and guidance she blesses me with.

             Just recently they came to me and sought a reunion.  To cast aside old times and try it all again.  I told him that the past will remain the past, but it was not closed and it probably never will be.  Left dormant, waiting for the right look or the right touch to bring it alive again.   Ready to create or reveal a new found misery.  There will forever be a pain that can out do the last and perhaps I will investigate that theory further, but not now, perhaps in the future. 

             Loviatar is a harsh and cruel mistress.  She has the answers of existence and through her guidance all will find enlightenment.   It is life.  Why would you want to see illusions of pleasure placed before you, when you can look upon the face of reality and revel in the knowledge of pure agony.