There is one thing I tend to agree with my friends upon: 99.9% of all love is fake. It's narcissistic, selfish, etc. etc. etc. But I think maybe that's because we call something "love" when in fact it's maybe something else. In romantic relationships that aren't real love then they are "lust," and not just in the traditional ways we think of it. We lust after lots of things, not only other people. We lust after money, after food, after whatever else we want to possess. Lust then, is the desire to own another person, completely and selfishly. For instance, physical lust and sex: for that set amount of time, we want the other person (or other people depending on how kinky you are) to focus solely and completely on us. Even if you're trying to be a good lover, per se, and try to please the other person, generally you're doing it b/c it makes you feel good again, either by further turning you on or by giving you the pride of being "good enough." Again, not real love at all. Lust. Desire. Selfishness. On to familial love. Okay, this is an easy one. How many of us actually LIKE our families? Like if we had the choice of whether to be friends with our families or not, how many of us would actually hang out with them? Didn't think so. Yes, I love my family, but as far as being friends...We're friends because we've known each other so long and have genetic bonds. We usually have relatively little in common, even though we are genetically similar, and in other circumstances we might never have met at all. Familial love is probably the closest you come to real love (if you have a good family), because it usually outlives other circumstances, fights, etc. It has to. It has to be tough b/c when you're dealing with that many people in one house...sheesh...but, in effect, familial love can be selfish, too...Kids love their parents b/c they provide shelter and food and clothing and toys and whatever for them...Parents love their children because they can be proud of them and say "look what I raised!" Neither is necessarily a BAD reason, but it's not a pure one.

Real love, the kind that surpasses even death, can only be a God-centered and God-modeled love. Because God's love really did surpass all, both His own death and ours. Real love gives unashamedly and unreservedly, and expects nothing in return. It expects us to mess up and loves us anyway. It loves us not only in spite of our failings and misgivings but in fact because of them. It's a love not because of who we are, but simply because we are. The love itself is to be holy and sacred, held close to our heart but also freely given. We don't give because we get more in the end. We get more in the end because we gave.

But, unfortunately, one other thing is true. This love does not exist, at least not in the physical realm. It can't. Human desires are often too contrary to one another. One person gives a sacrificial love, the other takes advantage of it. One person wants love, one person wants lust. Etc., etc., etc. Well, then, what's the point of arguing over what real love is? Because even if we can't achieve that perfect love, we can give ourselves over to our attempts to express it. Being able to focus on that holy love can make us better versions of ourselves than we ever imagined possible and can bring us happiness simply by giving that love, without ever getting anything in return. "I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege. And you owe me nothing in return..."

~June 5, 2003