Untitled

Time and time again
I've fallen
Into the darkened pit
Of my deadened soul.
I bow without shame
Toward the idols
Of a lustful
Loveless
Sickening
World.
But I watch the idols
Crack
Under the weight
Of the Truth.
So I cast a glance
Towards the light
And turn back
And begin rebuilding
My own gods
And bowing down before them.
Weak
Vulnerable
Corrupted
And torn
I turn to You.
I beg you to punish me,
To set me ablaze
Upon the pyre
I've so nonchalantly built
Myself.
Instead
With the wave of Your hand
The pyre is gone,
My guilt is assuaged.
I run into the fury
Of the mighty storm,
Hoping for my own destruction.
The rain only washes away
My bloody tears.
The lightning sparkles
Against my darkened face.
The wind gently caresses my cheek.
Still I ignore You.
I want You to despise me,
To drive my hands into the cross You once bore.
I flinch as I remember
How I slammed the nails
Into Your perfect skin.
The love in Your eyes never wavered.
How can I be free of this guilt
I've laid upon myself?
I cannot let it go.
Everywhere I turn
It follows me.
Free me from myself.
Bring me back to thee.
Make me a child once again,
So that I may sit upon Your knee
And cry.
I deserve only Your anger.
I receive only Your love.
May Your mercy live forever.
Amen.

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