Slim's Findings-A work in Progress
		The White Papers
		QT Dept. of Obv. Absurdities
		Cornary Chair Person
		Skip T. Space 'de'Meritus 
		Ancient History of the glacier colored bluff 
		Pre Credabilious Period
		To whom it may concern: 
	Our dear friend and esteemed colleague, Slim Shyster, who 
is a pending co-partner of the internet conglomerate House of Jade 
i.e. the Jade Ring i.e. Jade's Place is a part time amateur 
archaeologists in his spare time and it was in that guise that he 
recently made an exceptional discovery. This panel will attempt to 
transliterate his amazing findings into something coherent enough 
for future publication into whatever scientific journal or journals 
shall have the courage and fortitude to appropiate a considerate 
fee. Slim has, with the aid of this panel, recently offered this 
paper to substaniate his findings and to enrich the knowledge base 
of interested local historians.

		The Major Findings:
	The major findings, when not under direct scrutiny in the 
lab, are currently in a secure locked box and kept at a uniform 
minus one degree Celsius in Slim's moms garage freezer. The panel 
agrees that that alone could raise numerous questions but at this 
time has chosen to limit comment. The comments released are that at 
least two, but possibly three, of the fossil fragments are of ghosts, 
and are very fragile and difficult to deal with. While there is no 
definite number given for the remaining fragments suffice it to say 
that they number into the dozens. The reasons given are that some are 
obviously broken and fit seamlessly together to make one. These latter 
pieces are described as very ancient fossilized  domino tiles presumed 
of a hardwood nature. The fronts are non descript but have uniform dots 
and well marked with what seems to be a pigment made from bird droppings. 
Apparently, some previously local species almost certainly Kentuckius 
Sandersis. One panel member iterated that it may have even been of the 
colonelius sub-phylum. Notwithstanding, what thoroughly excites this 
panel, however, are the supposedly ornate decorations on the reverse 
sides of these tiles.

		The Transliterations:
	On the reverse sides of the ancient fossilized tiles are 
engraved not merely decorative symbols but what the panel have found 
to be ancient pictographs and a type of hieroglyphic language that the 
ancients utlized to record a particular story. It seems that some runes 
and quiet a few cuniforms are also evident as well as one §¨©ª«¬. 
	This panel with the help of some friends have begun to 
translate this story. The translation still remains sketchy at best. 
This is due in part to imperfections in the fossils and the fact that 
the symbols themselves seem borrowed from several ancient languages. 
Also try to understand that some of the glyphs could not be literally 
translated into any known language.  
 
		The Story
    In the earliest ages of lore, before time was reckoned in moons, 
and the Age of Stone was neither young nor yet old, the people began 
marking their own territories. The powers that be in the area, at that 
time, seemed to be a lady named Dot Blank and possibly her spouse Two 
Dot Blank so named in the style of the favored game of the era. In the 
beginning it was decided that the best method to mark this territory 
would be by census. With this, the center would be laid first with the 
most people being in the middle. Later, it was considered that the 
consensus method might work better with the corners laid first. Both 
methods created a lot of turmoil. It seems some fellow named Double Two 
Dot, whos tomato patch was to formally mark a cornerstone kept planting 
it in different places between surveys. Although Double Two denied fault, 
saying crop rotation was a legitimate agriculture technique, he was 
eventually exiled to a distant country where his followers later became 
the notorious Crop Circle Cult. After the exile of Double Two, it was 
decided to combine parts of the census consensus methods and designate 
the end of the Pretty Road where it joins the property of Two Five and 
Naught(sic?) to be the center of town proper and to include the place 
of the Leathern Woods. The decree also stated that the entire northern 
border of the white bluff counting would forever more be and remain the 
Hardpath River be it rainy season or dry and obey the whim of the river 
in its course, and should extend east to the point where it narrows. 
(When beginning the measurement from the white bluff the measurement 
should continue regardless of the counting until the official county 
had wet and cleansed his feet in the rush waters of the HardPath River, 
there the counting should stop. and the appropriate symbol should be 
drawn on earth and the wall of the nearest cave).
    Very soon after the exile of Double Two Dot the citizens began to 
explore the Eastern regions for a place to mark as boundary for both 
the town and the white bluff counting and a good place to plant tomatoes. 
Now in the eastern regions they found trading peoples who had good pigs 
for roasting. These people though always took extra slices off the 
choicest parts of the trade goods and it was decreed that they and 
their land would be excluded from the city and counting from the white 
bluff and their land should be called Cheat Ham. And so it came to pass 
that here they drew a lion on the sand having no cave wall near by and 
that being the previous custom.
    Now after marking these northern and eastern borders they 
celebrated by roasting pigs over a pit and afterwards everyone grew 
less interested and left off with the counting and measuring and went 
back to the white bluff and went to sleep.


	The Saga of Five Dot Five Dot
    A particular son of this area, the father unnamed here, was young and 
headstrong and broke with local customs. He was first known as Five Dot 
Five Dot but denied the naming customs of the time and wanted to show 
his name with the symbol of the upraised thumb and smallest finger or 
V. He called it the short hand method of showing five. Because of this 
contrariness and his rebellious nature, and because several shunned him 
for it, he was want to often go off on his own and explore the nether 
regions alone. As a direct result he grew more rebellious and distant 
and soon became known as a Roaming Man and therefore actually aided the 
exploration of much surrounding area. Some say he was responsible for 
much of the counting into the western area where he placed a bale of 
straw in a park like area. He did this to mark the western counting 
border and so he could have some straw to sleep on when he roamed in and 
out of the area. Afterwards the area became known to all because it was 
a good place to rest the night and the bale could be used for bedding. 
Soon after the establishment of the Bale Park, but before he was advanced 
in age, this RoMan, as Five Dot Five Dot was later called, began marking 
his name not as V to represent the Five Dot symbol and not as VV to 
represent Five Dot Five Dot, but with one symbol reversed above the other. 
The resulting figure X was to mean Ten Dot he said. This so called short 
handiness so incensed the peoples of the time they exiled this self 
proclaimed RoMan with his X meaning Ten Dot for a name, and on leaving he 
said he would cross the big water and start a town of his own. This V for 
Five Dot and X for Ten Dot and all the talk about short-handiness was too 
much against custom for everyone and so when he left they were greatly 
relieved and no one ever heard from Roman or any town named Roam again.
(Editors Note: It appears that many of the people, mostly from the 
consesus  group had no problem with the X symbol being used as a name, 
especially if the name was unknown or had numerous difficult to remember 
symbols. What they rejected was the idea that it could be used for a 
number, instead of dots.)

		Mont's Saga
    In time, like everything, there came to be a citizen named Mont, though 
not of the Dot clan, as near as can be aspertained, that dwelled near the 
bale, that was hung to keep bugs off, in the wooded park area. The citizenry, 
at first shunned this clanless man because of his tendency to defile trees. 
No one understood this at all. Later this man became very popular because of 
an art he developed by bleeding the sap from trees and cooking it down into 
a substance that couldn't be eaten but could be chewed with relish and had 
a very sweet taste. Soon he was very busy producing this gum-like product 
in a gummery kitchen near the site of the bale park, where he often enjoyed 
sleeping, since Roam Man had left. Not long after that the gummery became 
so well known and popular that usually people just stated it as being the 
Mont Gummery Bale park instead of the Roam Man bale park. After the huge 
success of the gummery it was decided that the distance should be measured 
and included in the bluff counting but not be part of the town itself. Soon 
thereafter the people measured the distance and did the counting and it was 
proclaimed a part by the white bluff county(the selected official person 
responsible for the counting). 

	 
		NOT YET EDITED FOR OFFICIAL PUBLICATION
	http://bellsouthpwp.net/b/o/bogus13

	UNOFFICIAL TRANSLATION pre fossil story
 Now many of you people probably don't remember some of this. Then, 
sometime right after that the railroad came in and got everything out 
of whack, because of the ley-lines. Back then all the maps were written 
up in runes and cuniforms and were real hard to read and there wasn't 
much electric lighting. There was only one or two color TV's in the 
whole county and mostly then the programs were black and white and some 
had audio problems and no sound at all. After all that they moved the 
city south so it would be closer to the railroad track because people 
didn't have too many cars and such and they really depended 
heavy on transportation of that sort back then.