By Larry

In honor of today, I would like to celebrate the 210th anniversary of Bastille Day with a few reflective thoughts (522-525):
522  What is the deep connection between Frenchmen and snails?
523  How did Frenchmen get control of a castle in King Arthur's Britain?
524  Does anyone care about the Tour de France?
525  For a country that prides itself on fashion, why do many Frenchmen in movies and TV programs seemed to be dressed like mimes?

526  If a hermaphrodite was to fall in love, would it be heterosexual or homosexual feelings toward another person?
527  What are the courtship rituals of the llama?
528  Who does Kid Rock rip off the most? 
529  What exactly is N'Sync in synch with? 
530  Is there a sinister connotation behind the name "Backstreet Boys"? 
531  How exactly does one act their age (ex:  does a 25 year old act differently than a 24 year old...or something)? 
532  Was Lady MacBeth thinking about her dog when she said "Out! Out! Da#^ Spot!"? 
533  Was Hitler ever in love?  Did he ever have a love child? 
534  Whatever happened to Lita Ford? 
535  Does anyone still own a Pinto? 
536  Do bean burritos contribute to global warmning? 
537  Who would win in a fight between Chewie and Jar Jar Binks? 
538  How do the Hutts (like Jabba) mate? 
539  Since the future Darth Vader had no dad, and since Cartman's mom impregnated herself, is there a deep connection between Anakin Skywalker and Eric Cartman? 
540  What cuss words were not used in the South Park movie? 
541  Will there ever be a prequel trilogy for Spaceballs? 
542  Who has less talent, Courtney Love or Marilyn Manson? 
543  How many people will believe the sky is falling in December (1999) and commit suicide? 
544  How long was Jesus' hair? 
545  Can Jesus be considered the original hippie? 
546  What is a Jesus freak? 
547  Is Alexis Lalas a Jesus impersonator?
548  How high can a lame man leap for joy? 
549  Is dishwashing liquid worth that much effort to obtain?
550  Why do people fart? 
551  Why do people who go looking for love usually not find it, while those who have too much loving going around seem to attract more of it?
552  How can something free, like puppies at Wal-Mart, be for sale?
553  Why is it that those people who claim that they have multiple personalities, when they are asked to let one of the "other" personalities speak, that "other" one sounds and acts just like the first one?
554  Why is the anal region given the same name as a synonym for a donkey?
555  Can I still reach Jenny at 867-5309?
556  How would Bob Dylan's singing sound if he had a sinus infection?
557  Is there a boring way to have fun?
558  Is boredom just another word for nothing left to do?
559  If Heaven isn't too far away (think 80s), then is Papa Smurg stating the distance?
560  Were the Smurfs anti-intellectuals, since they beat up on Brainy Smurf?
561  Has a dog ever refused food?
562  If politicians were like car dealers, could thehy negotiate a lower rate on the debt?
563  What would Gilbert Gottfried do? (For life's problems, WWGGD...)
564  (Job 38)  Can one raise one's voice to hte clouds and cover oneself with a flood of water?
565  (Job 38)  Who has the wisdom to count the clouds?
566  Ponder the power and wisdom of the llama.
567  (Job 39)  Who let the wild donkey go free?
568  Since it takes using your brain to process and then vocalize symbols, can one truly speak before thinking?
569  Why is the selling of unauthorized goods known as the black market?  What's so bad about black?
570  Will one kill oneself following the Cult of Personality?
571  What part of the street are the Backstreet Boys from?
572  If Cartman's mom is a hermaphrodite, (You don't want to know where Larry took the rest of this ponder ....)
573  If something's almost paradise, then why isn't it?
574  What would be Spock's idea of a good time?
575  Can one get a cat drunk?
576  What do philosophers do in their spare time?
577  What would an ostrich do if it was allowed to run free in a city?
578  If one gave Viagara to the dead, would they rise?
579  Why don't women go bald like guys?
580  Who cares how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, even if he/she/it was chucking?
581  Have pets ever had a near death experience, and if so, how was it?
582  What is Kenny's (from South Park) native language?
583  Can anyone truly speak Wookie?
584  Was there really three days of peace and love at Woodstock '99?
585  If the world was full of Supermans, would anyone need rescuing?
586  Do TV people ever have to be put on hold or reach a busy signal when they're calling someone?
587  Is there an 80s hard rock compilation CD that doesn't have Poison on it?
588  Whatever happened to the group Toto?
589  Are drunks boring when they are sober?
590  What is the deep inner meaning of Right Said Fred?
591  What do Springer guests do in their spare time?
592  If one was to "hit the sack" in trying to go to sleep, wouldn't that cause discomfort to guys?
593  If something is "useless nonsense," can there be useful nonsense?
594  If the killer in me is the killer in you, are we murderers?
595  Does the thought of Bob Dole taking Viagara make anyone else sick?
596  Can I use "cosine" to get someone else to pay for my new car?
597  Does one really save time (or Daylight) during Daylight Savings Time?
598  If time can be saved, then was time in trouble?
599  How many people are sick of me writing these things to ponder?
600  What was the first year of the first millennium A.D., 0 or 1?
601  If one drinks too many non-alcoholic beers, can one become a non-alcoholic alcoholic?
602  Why do the signs during TV technical difficulties say, "Please Stand By"?  Why would I stand?  Stand by what?
603  Continuing from above:  What are those technical difficulties and how I can experience them?
604  Following along with a famous church song, does the phrase "Will the circle be unbroken" really make sense?  How can a circle exist if it is broken?
605  Related to above:  Why do football commentators use the phrase "break the huddle"?  Wouldn't that hurt the team?
606  Is there a Stone Mountain in Stone Mountain, GA?
607  Do any sisters ever care about what their older brothers do (Whadda brother know...)?
608  Why are milkshakes made more from ice cream than milk?
609  What exactly did Def Leppard want sugar poured on?
610  Are the deers who stare at headlights tourists?
611  Whatever happened to Formulas 1-408?
612  Which is quicker, finding the lost remote to change channels or just getting up to change the TV manually?
613  Is there a deep relationship between high school reunions and VH1's Behind The Music?
614  Who was the original redneck?
615  Did Adam ever reminisce about his lost childhood?
616  Did Adam and Eve ever celebrate their birthdays?
617  How does a Rainbow in the Dark look like?
618  Why are the hottest days of the year at a time when the Earth is furthest from the sun?
619  What is the politicially correct way of saying color blind?
620  Rock you like a hurricane - does that mean that huge weather disturbances like heavy metal?
621  What is the deep inner meaning of Jar Jar Binks?
622  Can one, like Lita Ford sings, Kiss Me Deadly?
623  Since sapiens is Latin for "wise", just how wise is Homo Sapiens? 
624  Can one cuss up a streak other than blue? 
625  Related to above:  How can one cuss up anything, much less a streak? 
626  What would happen if we didn't let sleeping dogs lie? 
627  Do people with multiple personalities ever get lonely? 
628  Can two "personalities" in someone with multiple personalities ever get in a fight?  Will it be on Springer? 
629  What's so important about getting ducks in a row? 
630  How can a variety of a liquid like beer ever be dry? 
631  Is there someone who can tell me how to get to Sesame Street? 
632  Why do they add fluoride to city water?  Is it to prevent cavities? 
633  Who said bad words were bad? 
634  Did the woman who said "I'm fallen and I can't get up" need Viagara instead of Lifecall? 
635  Speaking of that old woman, who's now dead, did she die because Lifecall didn't get there fast enough? 
636  Does the guy who said "I can't believe I ate the entire thing" still in a state of denial? 
637  Why are two matched shoes called a pair, when only one set of pants are also called a pair? 
638  Has anyone ever truly turned green from envy? 
639  What's so important about Sam Hill that people ask "What in the name of Sam Hill..."? 
640  Is tarnation as bad as damnation? 
641  Following along with football terminology, can one really hit the hole, since a hole is a gap or space and not something solid? 
642  Why do many single men want to get married while many married men wished they were still single? 
643  Why do straight men want to go out with gay women? 
644  Can someone tell me how to enter the internet? 
645  Why do football coaches in practice tell the team to get on the ball, when only 1 or maybe 2 can actually get on the ball at one time? 
646  Can one truly read between the lines? 
647  If misery loves company, then are the most miserable the ones who are always around a bunch of people? 
648  How would a surrealist-designed city look like? 
649  If Picasso and Freud had a conversation, what would it be like? 
650  Why is death sometime referred to as "the other side"?  The other side to what?
651  Has anyone ever really played a game of grab @$$? 
652  Are people afflicted with madness really angry? 
653  Why are Southerners so fixated with geneology?  Who cares about who's related to whom anyway? 
654  Related to above:  Were the so-and-so begot so-and-so lists in the Bible written for the Southern audience? 
655  If a mime has arthritis, would he still be able to talk silently? 
656  If a little bird was to tell me something, would I be able to understand it? 
657  Whateve happened to Shadow Stevens? 
658  If something can be said to look to look like a flyspeck from a distance, then does that mean that something looks like fly feces? 
659  What do bored dogs do for entertainment? 
660  Can one get a straight answer from a gay person? 
661  What is the purpose of foreskin? 
662  What jokes do blondes tell? 
663  Whatever happened to Idalis from MTV? 
664  Whatever happened to Wang Chung? 
665  Are people as stupid and shallow as they appear to be on TV shows? 
666  Why is 666 the number of Satan?  I thought it was 976-EVIL.
667  How can one pursue a thought?  Can it be caught? 
668  Is there ever a wrestling tag team match where there's not one dude getting whipped for most of the itme, only to make a miraculous comeback? 
669  If the Bible is true and we're all descended from Adam and Eve, then isn't everyone ultimately the product of incest? 
670  Who was the world's first comedian? 
671  Who was the first blonde and did she have to bear the brunt of the first blonde jokes? 
672  Why do women give you a number to call them, but get upset when you do call? 
673  Who was the sadist who came up witht he game Musical Chairs?  Why should children risk limb and limb just to sit in a stupid chair? 
674  What do boring people do when they get bored? 
675  Were the developers of Tamagotchi frustrated cat lovers? 
676  What's this #1 everyone's looking out for? 
677  Do Smurfs ever suffer from a chronic case of blueballs? 
678  Why are hot dogs made from pigs instead of dogs? 
679  What does God do for entertainment? 
680  Whatever happened to Corey Feldman? 
681  What happened to the Music in Music TeleVision (MTV)? 
682  Was Charles a sadist, since he was placed In Charge of our days and our nights? 
683  Do people with no life ever search for the meaning of life? 
684  Did Frankie ever make it to Hollywood? 
685  Ponder the power and glory of the wildebeest. 
686  Has anyone heard anything new about the gnu? 
687  Was God bored when He created us? 
688  What good things have come to people who have waited? 
689  If taking a dump refers to defection, then is the toilet the landfill? 
690  Why are short guys more likely to get in a fight than tall guys? 
691  Can Mentos be classified as a drug, since the people who take them in the commercials seem to be stoned blissfully out of their minds? 
692  Who was the first drug addict? 
693  How many people have been blinded by science? 
694  If time is an inaminate force, how can it be for or against someone in the later stages of a sports game? 
695  Are transvestites in touch with their feminine sides? 
696  Did the phrase "a few bricks short of a load" originally refer to crazy bricklayers? 
697  How many miles to the gallon did the Duke boys get from Uncle Jesse's moonshine? 
698  How many people have pondered whatever happened to the missing ponders? 
699  What is the purpose of the weed? 
700  Whatever happened to Merideth Baxter Birney?  I haven't seen her in a cry-for-TV story based on a sobbing story in a while. 
701  Why is strep throat also known as septic sore throat?  The throat might hurt, but I don't think I've had any septic intake... 
702  Does anybody ever stand by for the special announcement, or do they just sit by? 
703  What would happen if Freud and Stuart Smiley ever had a debate? 
704  What do Springer guests do in their spare time? 
705  How many people will truly admit that they were in one of those cheesy "make your own videos" tapings done in malls during the 80s? 
706  What do bad people do for a good time? 
707  Do people rip the plastic rings on a six pack of Coke more because it's fun or to save some stupid birds? 
708  What would happen if one crossed a psychologist (Freud) witha  professional wrestler (Stone Cold Steve Austin)?  "My id can kick your id's @$$ anyday!" 
709  Whatever happened to Wade Houston? 
710  Who's your daddy?  And since we're on the subject, who's your mama? (For Southern Amateur geneologists, here.) 
711  Isn't Britney Spears advocating physical abuse when she sings "hit me baby one more time"? 
712  Whatever happened to Tears For Fears? 
713  Do Church of Christ members have a goove? 
714  Do mothers ever stop worrying about their children? 
715  For women:  Define the concept of "friend" so guys can understand what you're talking about. 
716  If good things happen to those who wait, then will procrastinators benefit the most? 
717  Can it be assumed that those who ask "What in hell is this?" really have no concept of hell? 
718  Whatever happened to Curtis Blow? 
719  Is there a connection between the number of idiots one has to deal with in the course of a day and one being in a bad mood? 
720  Is it me, or is everyone just plain stupid at some point? 
721  What is the deep, innermost meaning of Menudo? 
722  Is there a hidden plot to Debbie Does Dallas? 
723  How many dead stars are there in the sky? 
724  Has anyone ever got a cat drunk? 
725  If one was to throw good money after bad, would people dive after it? 
726  Does anyone ever put gloves in the glove compartment? 
727  Why do idiots, breasts, and TVs often go by the name of "boob"? 
728  What will one do for a Klondike Bar? 
729  What do the skateboarders at the Humanities Building do in their spare time? 
730  Since birth leads to death, then are we all dying? 
731  Has anyone lived in a glass house - and if so, has anyone thrown stones at it? 
732  When one says he/she'll do anything for something, does that person really mean anything? 
733  If it's More Than a Feeling, then what is it? 
734  Do bad things really come in threes? 
735  Whatever happened to decent music videos? 
736  Has Beethoven rolled over and told Tchkovsjy (sp.?) the news? 
737  How many inches equal a rod? 
738  Has anyone else noticed how stupid people look and sound when they're talking on the phone? 
739  (Parody of O'Douls)  What do non-drinkers drink when they're not drinking beer? 
740  Why do idiots have all the luck? 
741  If the policy of "shoot first and ask questions later" is followed, what questions would then be asked? 
742  What genre of music is the Song of Soloman? 
743  If political opponents followed the policy of "if you don't have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all,"  would they then be as vocal as mimes? 
744  If a mime was to run for political office, would he use soundbites? 
745  What is the purpose of morning wood? 
746  So, who really wrote the Book of Love? 
747  Am I the only one who's analog in a digital world? 
748  If one expects the unexpected, will they be surprised by the obvious? 
749  Whatever happened to Todd Bridges? 
750  What is the deep inner meaning of NASCAR?