Monday, Aug. 30
3:28 p.m.--Complainant reported that elevator #3 was stuck between the first and second floor at the Apartment Residence Hall with four people on board. Preventive maintenance was notified. The elevator was fixed and all parties exited safely.
(PREVENTIVE MAINTENANACE? ... seems a little late for that. )

Tuesday, Aug. 31
12:34 a.m.--Complainant stated that there were two suspicious looking black males in front of Hess Hall wearing masks. Officers were dispatched and reported that subjects checked out okay.
(subjects later reported to say they were two months early.)

Monday, SEPT. 6
8:48 p.m.-Complainant reported a stalled elevator between the 13 and 14 floors of Apartments Residence Hall, with four people on board. Officer and Montgomery Elevator Tech dispatched. At 9:45, officer reported that the occupants had just exited safely and that Montgomery Tech would repair the elevator if possible, or shut down the elevator completely.
(well, at least this time they called the right people)

Tuesday, SEPT. 7
2:02 a.m.-Complainant, the Hall Director, requested that Montgomery Elevator return to Andy Holt to fix said elevator, that it was now free-falling and went past the floor that was punched.
("now i'm free, free falling......")

2:09 a.m.-Complainant reported that his stereo system fell out of his window at Reese Hall and struck a car.
(in addition to the elevator free fall problem, the residents of reese also wanted to prove the law of gravity for their intro physics class)

Wednesday, Sept. 8
11:16 p.m. - Complainant reported that someone was playing the bongos loudly at Presidential Courtyard. Officer reported that subject agreed to leave the area.
(the more things change, the more they stay the same .... years pass, and years go by, still bongos are being played in the courtyard and skaters rule the humanities building)

Monday, September 20
4:18 a.m. - An officer reported seeing a suspicious person urinating in the street; subject then walked on to Lake Avenue.
(suspicious person created a Lake and then followed it ... interesting)

Tuesday, September 21
12:48 p.m. -- Complainant stated that a white male subject cursed her when she asked if he would let his two dogs relieve themselves somewhere else.
(maybe the subject should head to lake ave. ... seems a popular place for urination)

Sunday, September 26
9:48 a.m. -- Loud noise was coming from Kingston Apartments. Assigned officer said that the noise was due to a child learning to walk.
(this kid must walk like godzilla or king kong ... or his parents are a little too overjoyed with the accomplishment)

10:50 p.m. -- Officer reported that he was out with five suspicious persons at Gibbs Residence Hall who were caught carrying a Parking Services sign through Stokely.
(YES ... i would say carrying a parking services sign would classify you as suspicious, hilarious, but still suspicious)

Tuesday, September 28
3:50 p.m. -- Complainant reported a person causing a disturbance by playing with a radio-controlled car in McClung Plaza.
(subject's skateboard must have been broke ... had to resort to another four-wheeled mechanism)

Wednesday, September 29
4:16 a.m. -- Officers reported that they were out with an intoxicated person at Rocky Top. One arrest was made.
("once two strangers climbed ole rocky top looking for a moonshine still..." guess the subject found the still )

Friday, October 1
5:10 p.m. - UTPD received a report of people in a yard hitting golf balls at people in the street at Andy Holt Avenue and Francis Street. Officer did not locate a problem.
(four ... ut golf team must need a new place to practice)

Saturday, October 2
12:24 a.m. - A complainant stated that the hall staff of North Carrick residence hall had confiscated what appeared to be marijuana. The item that appeared to be marijuana was not marijuana, as they discovered later.
(my big question is, what was the substance in question and how did they discover that it was not?)

3:29 a.m. - Complainant stated that a white male was passed out in Reese Hall in the east side multipurpose room. Subject stated that he just needed rest and to take his medication. Officers returned subject to his room.
(i take it passed out and/or sleeping is not one of the purposes intended in the multipurpose room)

Monday, October 4
7:15 p.m. - Complainant called in to file a complaint against the Asian driver of a burgundy colored UT van. She explained that she wanted to file a complaint against the van driver about his reckless driving. She also reported that she thought that he had cursed at her in another language.
(pendajo?)

Tuesday, October 5
2:10 a.m. - An officer was out with an unattended running vehicle in front of Hess Hall. The officer issued a verbal warning and the problem was settled.
(if the vehicle was unattended, just who or what did the officer give the verbal warning to?)

Sunday, October 10
4:22 a.m. -- An intoxicated subject arrived at the UTPD lobby needing a ride home. It was revealed that the subject was underage and then arrested in the UTPD lobby for public intoxication and criminal impersonation.
(geez ... i thought they always told you to ask for a sober ride if you needed one ... i guess next tim he will just drive home and get arrested for dui)

Monday, October 11
2:56 a.m. -- A complainant stated that a lost dog was inside Morrill Residence Hall lobby. An officer was dispatched and was unable to catch the dog. The dog was last seen running towards Presidential Court.
(bow wow wow, yippie yo yippie a ...)

Sunday, October 24
11:12 p.m. - Complainant called and stated that her neighbor at Golf Range Apartments was causing a disturbance by vacuuming too loudly after hours. The complainant stated that the subject lived in the apartment above her. Officer checked the area and spoke with both parties. The officer told the subject to keep the noise down for the night. Officer also spoke with the complainant and reported her to check with management about the reoccurring problem.
(keep in mind the recommendations of the officer ... contact management next time .... read on ...)

Wednesday, October 27
1:18 p.m. - KPD requested a UTPD officer for an unknown problem. Officer responded. The problem was parking.
(when is parking  ot a problem?)

Monday, November 1
2:26 a.m. -- A parking service employee called and stated that the front of the Parking Service Building had just been "egged." An officer responded and checked the area but was unable to locate any suspects. No damage was done to UT property or vehicles.
(for ut students and alumni ... there should not have to be any explanation here ... this is hilarious .... for those of you not familiar with the problems ... see my comment above)

Tuesday, November 2
4:40 p.m. -- An officer reported that he had been checking on reports of a male standing outside the women's restroom at Massey Hall, on the faculty side. The subject was gone upon officer's arrival.
(subject was one of three things ... (a) a pervert (b) waiting for his girlfriend to get out of the bathroom (c) under the impression that this would be a good place to meet women .. )

10:37 p.m. -- A front desk worker of Golf Range Apartments requested to see an officer concerning a disturbance/argument between two residents. The subjects were auguring over the use of a vacuum cleaner this late at night.
(can't we all just get along ... )

Tuesday, November 9
4:55 p.m. - A complainant reported that a subject was playing bongos in the Presidential Courtyard and was disturbing students that were trying to study. An officer responded and the subject agreed to stop.
(see earlier comments ..)

Thursday, November 18
2:49 a.m. -- An officer reported that there was a fracas on W. Cumberland Avenue, near Moose's Music Hall and requested additional units. The problem was settled and one arrest was made by KPD.
(a fracas? i was just amused at the choice of words)

Friday, November 19
8:48 a.m. -- An officer was requested to the Humanities and Social Science Building due to a possible bomb threat. The officer reported that the area checked okay.
(can we say ... someone had a test they wanted to get out of ... bomb threats at humanities ... like i said before ... some things never change)

Saturday, December 4
12:24 a.m. - An officer reported of a person, who was urinating in the courtyard, near the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity. Two citations were issued by the officer for underage consumption.
(what, no citation for urinating in public?)