Carys Lupin shook her head slowly as she stared at the family who occupied the front page of the daily Prophet. A family that according to the paper had been completely wiped out in just under 10 minutes. The only reason for their deaths was the fact that they had shown the courage to speak out against the terror that was inflicting her world. A courage that has been their downfall in the end.

The death eaters had been ruthless killing all of them, right down to the 3-month baby boy who had been so young that he hadn’t even been in the photo. She shuddered, turning her head away from the image even as she pushed the paper off the table. She reached out and picked up her orange juice and willed her shaking hand to still itself. She swallowed deeply. She had just lost another one of her closest friends.

She sighed slowly and lowered the glass to the table, her thirst forgotten in her pain and anguish. She bit her lip, resting her elbows on the slightly uneven table, glancing round to make sure she was still alone before burying her head in her hand.

They were definitely getting closer, closer to the home that she and her husband Remus shared, closer to her beloved sons. Soon not even all the protection that was placed on their small cottage in Kent would be enough. The way things were going the death eaters would soon have them and then she and her family would merely be another front page for someone to grieve over.

Every night she lay silently in her king size bed, her hearing straining for any sound that might indicate an attack, always wishing she could do something more then stay at home, her wand always ready in her hand. She would never be caught unprepared, not while Remus was counting on her to protect their sons while he was away fighting.

Carys was aware that the work she did in St Mungo was beyond important and that by healing the suffering and easing their pain she was helping in the war effort more than most were, but she felt that it wasn’t enough. She wanted to heal the pain and suffering before it happened. She wanted to be in the front lines of the war, not one of the last defences.

She was more than capable of fighting and killing when the need arose; in fact she had done both on more than one occasion, with increasing frequency during the past months. She had the Potter courage and determination and she had what many of the other front liners lacked. She had a husband and two children to fight for and that was the reason she wasn’t on the front line, not because she couldn’t be. Dumbledore had told her on more than one occasion that she was welcome to be but because she was 4 months pregnant with Remus’s child and she would do anything to keep her family safe, even if it meant being in the backlines.

Bringing herself back to reality she glanced around the clean, bare room with a miserable look before her eyes stilled on a cracked mirror on the wall, she shook her head at her reflection. She was glowing and looked extremely healthy but she felt anything but glowing, the eyes and the expression on her face told the real story.

She glanced away from her reflection and stood up, wincing slightly as a shot of pain went up her calves reminding her with a vehemence that she had been on her feet for at least 6 hours before she had sat down. The pregnancy was beginning to take its toll on her and she was beginning to tire easily, a fact that terrified her, she lived in constant fear that she would fall asleep and her sons would suffer because of that, a fear that was made all the more violent by her husband’s absence. She hated him being away in the first place but with the increased frequency of attacks and her own increasing frailty she wanted him with her.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts she made her way slowly to the window. Her feet making no sound on the floor. Outside it was raining with little sign of clearing up, a fact that made her strangely happy, it suited her mood perfectly. As much as she missed Remus she couldn’t help but be furious with him as well. She had begged him not to take this mission, to stay home with her and the twins but he had refused, had told her that he had to be there, that James and Sirius needed him. She had shouted at him. Told him that the only reason he was doing it was because of Sirius and James, that he was weak and still under their influence and that his loyalties now lay with his family not his school friends. He had stared at her coldly for a moment than turned and walked away leaving her to rage alone.

There had been several other reasons why he had taken the mission on of course. It had been Dumbledore who had approached Remus, Dumbledore who had asked for his help and even after all this time and everything Remus had risked for the older man he still felt as though he owed everything to the older man, that it was even down to him that Remus had herself.

Of course Remus wasn’t a man who could simply sit at home and watch everything go on without trying to help, that was part of the reason why she loved him so much but she felt cheated and hurt by them all. This was her husband, the father of her 2-year-old twins and her unborn child. She wanted him with her not in some dark, obscure country where he could be killed at any second, killed without any knowledge of the new person she was protecting.

Her fear for him wouldn’t have been so intense if she had been able to have some contact with him, even a word from someone that they had seen him and that he was safe but she had seen and heard nothing. It was as if he was already gone leaving a small legacy behind him. There was so much she wanted to tell him, she wanted to see his face when he realised he was going to be a father again and some stupid rule imposed by the Order was destroying her chance, it could be too late the way things were going.

Carys had noticed the signs of her pregnancy the day before Remus left for his mission 4 months previously. She had wanted to tell him so much but she couldn’t do it. He was already so worried about her and the boys and the fact they were going to be alone that she couldn’t bring herself to add the extra fear that her pregnancy would bring him. She knew he would refuse to go and however bitter she was, she was wise enough to know that Remus was essential as was her two brothers.

She leaned against the wall still deep in thought. She knew how much Remus loved her and loved the twins and how his biggest fear wasn’t dying or the world they lived in self-destructing but that he might come home one day and they would all be gone. It was a nightmare that had woken his up on more than one occasion. He was scared of missing the twins growing up, scared that they already didn’t know him as well as they should, but sometimes at night she wondered if he missed her as much as he did his boys, wondered if he thought about her, longed for her the way she did for him. When he was home he was so preoccupied that she wondered whether he cared at all.

She made a sound of disgust at the thought and walked over to the table again, taking her seat again and tapping at the table. There were people truly suffering out there and she was there, safe in her world, trying to make a small problem into a major one. Remus was exhausted by all he was doing and the strain and worry. He loved her to death and being pregnant was absolutely no reason for her to be selfish even if she longed for him every second of everyday.

She absently bit her lip. She didn’t even know how Remus would take the news of her pregnancy. They had always planned a large family but the war had happened and Remus had been turned off of the idea of another child. She could still remember him sitting her down and looking at her with a serious expression, telling her, in his soft Irish voice, that he thought another child would be wrong, that they should stick with the twins until the war was over.