Fatal Attraction


	Draco: Whose idea was it to throw a party for our anniversary? Wouldn’t it have been much better to spend the day alone? Ginny: While you, me, and a broom closet sounds very appealing, we do owe it to the wonderful shippers who’ve supported us even when no one else did. And there’s the fact that Mum would never have forgiven me if we didn’t let her throw this party. Draco: Fine. But you do realize that we’ll have a horde of fangirls on our hands? All squeeling over me . . . Ginny: rolleyes A bit conceited, aren’t we? Anyway, the proper term is “squee.” Sometimes pronounced “SKUH-wee.” Draco: Whatever. Just don’t blame me for anything. I don’t fancy a Bat Bogey Hex again . . . Doorbell: rings Ginny: I wonder who that is . . . Draco: Well, we aren’t going to find out by staring at the door . . . Draco: opens door Spidey: OMG, hi!!!!!!!! Draco: Er, let's back away slowly, Ginny. Spidey: Is anyone here yet? Is there food? Draco: Ginny: Hi, welcome to our party, I'm Ginny and- Spidey: Yes, I know, but do you have food? I didn't eat lunch, I was too excited. Ginny: Why don't you come in and sit down, Ms- Spidey: SpiderMonkey. You can call me Spidey if you want, or Spider, or- Draco: The foods that way points finger Spidey: runs off to find food Ginny: Well, that went well, I think. Draco: Do you think it's too late to cancel the party? Ginny: Yes. doorbell rings Draco: Darn. Enter: Sidiqa. "Heyy Draco! How you doin'?" says Sdiqa in Joey Tribbiani-ish way. "I brought gifts! Well, just two...." Sidiqa pulls out a box wrapped in silver and red.. Draco: Ooooh presents! Sits down on couch to open the box Meanwhile in box Silver D&G top for Ginny, Red D&G top for Draco, and three pink D&G tops for little PHBs. Ginny:"Adrienne, come down, you have presents! bring Molly with you... Thanks a lot, Sidiqa, you shouldn't have..." In walks little Adreinne of age four wearing a pink tutu, she is holding hands with Molly> age two, also wearing a tutu, but hers is white... Adrienne: Hi... Comes closer to Sidiqa and Spidey so they realize they have Veela hair with reddish tints and gray eyes. doorbell rings Draco: Must be Blaise... Sidiqa and Spidey: Squee!! Draco: opens door AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH! Ginny: rushes over to him What??? Draco: Blaise, what the hell did you do to your hair? Blaise: runs his hands through his now long, silky black hair You don't like it? Draco: No! You look like a girl! Ginny: coughLookwho'stalkingcough Draco: glare Blaise, you were saying? Blaise: Well, everyone in the fandom never knew I was a boy or a girl. shrugs dramatically I decided to be both. Draco: gurgle Spider & Sidiqa: whimpers Ginny: Um...well, Blaise, my husband and I support you in your decision. Draco: I don't believe this. I just don't believe this. I need comfort. I don't want fangirls, I don't want transvestite best friends! cries Blaise: Oh, Draco, I didn't know you cared. touches Draco's arm Draco: AAAAAAHHHHH, GET OFF ME! Doorbell: rings Ginny: brightly Looks like we have another guest. Draco: If it's that bloody Potter, I'm gonna be VERY ANGRY. Ginny: opens door Harry! Draco: I KEEL YOU POTTER!!!!! Spidey: OMG, it's Harry. And Blaise. And there's no food left. Harry: Calm down, Draco. Draco: Since when are we on a first name basis? Spidey: HELLO! THERE's NO FOOD LEFT! Draco: Shut up, girl, you didn't bring me a present. Spidey: I did too. Draco: Well where is it? Harry: Have you forgotten me? Ginny: Look at the bright side. This way he won't keel you. Harry: Is keel even a word? Ginny: In the fandom it is. Draco: GIVE ME PRESENT! Spidey: produces white ferret TADA! Draco: Go away, devil girl, you bother me. Spidey: I got everyone presents! starts passing out f&I t-shirts to Ginny and the girls. Doorbell:rings HARRY: smiles brightly Hi there, Gin he says warmly and gives a long significant look NATALIE, SPIDER, SIDIQUA: Swoons How romantic those two are! DRACO: OY! You girls are suppose to "squee" over me and Ginny, and how romantic and all that crap we are! BLAISE: Quite right, Draco. I'll take him off your hands purrs and rubs Harry's arm HARRY: Er, that's quite alright PLZSTOPTOUCHINGMEKTHX! That reminds, me I better go pick up Ron and Hermione from Hogwarts. I'll be back later DOOR: Slams BLAISE: pouts What a party pooper GIRLS: swoons at that oh so sexy pout DOOR: Ding Dong GINNY: Yay! More people mutters to Draco And more presents, hurrah! opens the door NIKITA: Mom...stop pushing me....alright alright I'm here, I'm here! You can go now, you're embarrasing me! stomps feet NIKITA'S MOM: Extends a hand to Ginny and Draco Oh, don't mind me, I was making sure my little Nikky poo arrived here safely and on time. scoffs She was going to arrive "fashionably late", but that's soo silly and rude. Teenagers these days pulls Nikita into a really tight hug. REALLY. tight. Now call me if anything goes wrong, okay pookie bear? Mummy will be close by waves to the rest of the party Good bye to you all, and before I go hands over gift to Draco and Ginny Here is a bottle of soy milk, very healthy and very yummy for you and your children. looks at Nikita sternly Now what have we learned today, Nikky wikky poo? NIKITA: Sighs I will not buy anymore alcohol and mai tai mixes sees her mother still glaring And I will not steal those cute tiny umbrella that is just so fun to open and close and play with from that Italian restaurant across the street. Thanks for rescuing me mom, I really thought they were going to cut me with a very sharp razor blade a thousand times and drop me in a pool of rubbing alcohol. NIKITA'S MOM: Not a problem pookie, that's what mothers are for. Goodbye to you all. leaves NIKITA: Oh thank god she's gone pulls out bottles, upon bottles, of wine The finest, 1941, just for you guys for those looong special nights winks GINNY: Why thank you! looks a little put off that a sixteen year old has ten bottles of wine in her bag And what's your name? NIKITA: I am La Femme Nikita, your resident hitman. So call me if you want the job done cleanly and quickly. Clicks tongue And I never leave any clues behind. DRACO: Really!? Well, in that case, there is a skinny man with messy black hair, green eyes, and a lightning bolt scar, on his way to Hogwarts sees Ginny's death glare right...now. clears throat and whispers We'll talk later Nikita quickly nods DOOR: Ding Dong! Ginny: Now who could that be? opens door Spidey: Hey XX! Did you bring food? XX: Yeah, I brought Snape Cookies! waves covered basket Sidiqa: Snape Cookies? Ginny: Snape Cookies? Blaise: Snape – XX: Yes, yes, SNAPE COOKIES! Everyone: cover ears XX: Snape Cookies are delicious, frosted cookies whose main purpose is to take a bite out of when Snape is being a git. They were originally created by Sirius Black. Everyone: take a moment to mourn Sirius Draco: Who are you again? XX: ignores Draco There are, in fact, several kinds of Snape Cookies - Mrs.LongbottomBoggart!Snape, DeathEater!Snape, GreasyTeenager!Snape, OvergrownBat!Snape, EvilQuidditchReferee!Snape, PotionsMaster!Snape, SeverelyInjured!Snape, Sneering!Snape, Smirking!Snape, DepressedBecauseIMissedtheDADAJobYetAgain!Snape, and KissUp!Snape. Then, there are the ones wearing t-shirts with logos: IHatePotters!Snape, IHateAllThingsMarauder!Snape, WeasleyIsOurKing!/GryffindorsAreScum!Snape, and I<3Slytherins!Snape. And of course, NO DOGS!Snape. Draco: Ahem, ahem! Who are you? Ginny: ignores Draco Are they greasy? XX: is offended Of course not! Spidey: They’re delicious! sneaks a Snape Cookie from the basket XX: slaps Spidey’s hand away Eating sweets before dinner is a sure way to spoil your appetite, young lady! Nikita: mutters You sound like my mum . . . Ginny: You sound like my mum! Molly: Who sounds like me? Draco: That would be the loony cookie-peddler over there. XX: bursts into tears Molly: You have some nerve, young man! Ginny: You made our guest cry! After this party is over, you can march right over to your parents’ and stay there! Draco: No, Gin, I’m sorry . . . please forgive me. Ginny: It’s not me you should me apologizing to! Draco: turns to XX I’m sorry. How can I make it up to you . . . what’s your name? XX: muses You know, you’re hot when you’re remorseful . . . Harry, Ron, and Hermione: apparate XX: I’m – spots Harry I'm - Harry! drools Sweet Merlin, I’m your NUMBER ONE FAN! tackleglomps Harry Harry: Draco: You’re supposed to be MY FAN! MY NUMBER ONE FANGIRL! Not Potter’s! IT’S MY ANNIVERSARY! IT’S ALL ABOUT ME! Ginny: cough Draco: And Ginny. Harry: You know, I have to agree with Malfoy. Everyone: gape Harry: What? is defensive It’s Ginny’s and his anniversary, not mine. Mine’s next month in case you’re interested . . . XX: You’re married? is disappointed How do you feel about a mistress? Hermione: I never did like – Natalie: XX! You can’t be a home wrecker – at least not in Harry’s home! Remember the bigger picture! The master plan! XX: to self Children . . . matchmaking . . . children . . . matchmaking . . . to Ron and Hermione Hullo, how are things going with y'all? Nikita: confused I didn't know you were from down south. XX: I'm not. shrug Hermione: We're fine, thanks . . . Sidiqa: That's great! Ginny: to Ron and Hermione Thanks for coming! Hermione: There's no way we wouldn't be here! looks pointedly at Ron Ron: whistles innocently XX: to Ginny Well, back to the original topic. Harry's hitched, but Theodore Nott’s still single, isn’t he? Ginny: You know, we haven’t heard from him in a while . . . Did we invite him, Mum? Molly: Yes we did, dear. We’ve invited every relative, friend, and person you’ve ever known. XX: Teddy! squee Draco: You never did tell us your name . . . Ginny: glares Draco! Draco: What? I never got to finish my apology because I don’t know her name. XX: Okay, then . . . If you had been listening earlier, you might have noticed Spidey calling me by my name. Or rather my nickname. I’m XUnFoRgEtTaBlEbAbEX, usually called XX. Natalie: is proud I made that up, you know! Draco: What kind of a name is that? Ginny: cough Draco: I mean, Miss Unforgettable, how can I make up for my atrocious behavior? XX: giggles You can call me XX, silly. As to reparations, you can introduce me to your children, for starters. I already know little Adrienne and Molly. But you have teenage children, don’t you? Draco: We do. Molly: There’s Danica – she’s 14. Caius is 15. And – Ginny: Caius is actually 16, Mum. Molly: I’m allowed to slip up, you know! I have over twenty grandchildren, I can’t be expected to be on top of everything. As much as JKR tries to make me the perfect family woman, I’m – Everyone: stares Draco: OK, getting weird . . . you wanted to meet Danica and Caius, right? Ginny: Caius and Danica. Draco: Danica and Caius. Ginny: Caius is older and he’s a boy! Draco: That’s sexist! Besides, it’s supposed to be ladies first – Ron: Oh, put a sock in it! CAIUS! DANICA! THERE’S A GUEST HERE WHO WANTS TO MEET YOU! XX: Caius! squee Draco: I thought you had one on for Potter. Nikita: Actually, it was Theo. Sidiqa: munching a Snape Cookie Natalie managed to convince her that it was in her best interest that Harry remain happily married. Although I have no idea why . . . Spidey, Natalie, and Nikita: glance significantly at each other Everyone: is confused Caius and Danica: walk down the stairs Caius: Er, hi . . . Danica: Hello everybody! spots Harry Hi Uncle Harry! giggle Draco: mutters Shoot me now . . . Doorbell: rings Ginny: opens door Depth: GINNY! HI! Ginny: ... Do I know you? Depth: Of COURSE not! hugs Ginny But I'm one of your biggest fans! Ginny: Oh, thanks, that's really swee-- Depth: gets a hungry look in her eyes WHERE'S YOUR HUSBAND? Ginny: Draco's right over ther-- Depth: runs to where she sees Draco's perfect bright blonde hair DRACOOOOOO!!!!! Draco: smirks Yes, I'm sexy, aren't I? Depth: cries tears of joy and falls to the ground, grabbing onto Draco's ankle I love you, I love you, I love you... kisses his shoe I love you, you sex god, you... Draco: Ginny, HELP!!! Ginny: smirks I thought you liked attention, Draco? Draco: NOT LIKE THIS!!!! Depth: continues to squeeze the life out of Draco's leg and shout out exclamations of love for him Ginny: I think I'll let you deal with this on your own, Draco. Draco: I know I said to shoot me earlier, but I think now would be a much better time. tries to shake Depth off his leg SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME! XX: Anyone else want any cookies? Depth: jumps off of Draco YAY, COOKIES! claps hands together in glee and takes a cookie from XX Mmmm... Doorbell: rings Doorbell: ring Ginny: Must be another one of our guests! Draco: glancing suspiciously at Depth Please don't open the door, Gin, I beg of - Ginny: opens door Cloaked Figure: enters Draco: Ginny, protect me! uses Ginny as a shield Ron: Stop being such a sissy, Malfoy! Cloaked Figure: I agree! pulls off cloak Danica: gasp Hayden! Caius: What are you doing here? Adrienne and (little) Molly: throw their little arms around him Harry: glares Ginny: glares How did you come here without an invitation? Hayden: Uncle Ron told me about it . . . I think it's bloody low not to invite your oldest son to your anniversary party! Molly: glares at Ron We'll be having a talk, Ronald Weasley, yes we will . . . Sidiqa: He did the right thing! Molly and Ginny: glare Sidiqa: wibbles Molly: mutters to Draco I thought you disowned him . . . Draco: We did. looks pointedly at Ginny XX: Ooh, I smell a scandal! F&I-ers: Ooooooh! Ginny: is defensive Well, you wouldn't like it if your baby was living in sin with a scarlet woman! Nikita: A scarlet woman? La Femme Rouge? Natalie: You actually disowned your son? Because he's living with a scarlet woman? This sounds like soap opera . . . takes notes Doorbell: rings Tess: Someone say Snape cookies????? Draco: Who're you? And what ARE you wearing?? Tess:glances down at baggy "Wizard in Training" Tee-Shirt and Tazmanian Devil Boxers that are much too short Well, this is what I wear when I'm chatting with my beloved shipmates . . . (spots XX and Spidey) - Beloved shipmates!!!! huggles all round Ginny: Er, hi, welcome to our - Tess: I love your hair!! Ginny: pleased Oh, thanks . . . Tess: who does NOT have ADD So, where's that gorgeous son of yours? Draco: Which one? Tess: Hayden, of course! XX: Tess, you've spent entirely too much time today working on WE. Draco: in undertone to self Oh, that was YOUR fic? You're the author whose fic inspired those ludicruous plastic action figures of me with long hair and a pimp cane??? Tess: dangerously You mean there is no son named Hayden . . . ? advances slowly on Draco Hayden: Off to side Did someone say my name . . . ? Draco: Gin . . . little help?!?!? Tess: in progressively louder voice I designed him to look just like you . . . he was exxxxcellent in every possible way . . . he was going to marry Tristy . . . Harry: Who? Hayden: unwilling to approach unstable woman in center of room Er, over here . . . Tess: Ceases advance on Draco, sits down on sofa, and bursts into tears Nikita, Spidey, and XX exchange exasperated looks before going to comfort their fallen comrade Nikita: There there, Tess. Have a mai-tai. Happy birthday again, by the way. XX: And here. You can "steal" some more Snape cookies and hand them out like they're yours, just like back at F&I. Spidey: stops desperate search for more food reluctantly I reviewed your last chapter of WE. holds up little review printout See? And, er, here - you can have my last Draco lolli. Draco/Ginny: Your last what???? Tess: I loff you all! huggles shipmates/roomies Draco: Why us . . . why us . . . ? XX: It's okay, Tess, you can, er, stop strangling us. Hayden's over there. Tess: shrieking My BABY!!! Flies at Hayden in relief and bursts into tears Hayden: Right . . . Tess: I can't believe you made it! THis is wonderful! Hayden: Actually I've been disowned and . . . Tess: Draaaaco . . . whirls and begins menacing advance again Ginny: Oh, dear . . . doorbell rings Draco: Potter, you answer it! backs against a wall Hayden: Has everyone already forgotten me and my scandal? Caius: You're disowned. Get over it. Besides, the doorbell rang. We were talking about you five seconds ago. Hayden: You're supposed to be supportive. It was your idea, afterall, that I ask Jess to move in with me! Ginny: Caius, how could you? Doorbell: rings Draco: Potter, I thought I asked you to answer the door. Get off me madwoman. Tess: DISOWNED? MY BABY DISOWNED! Ginny: Technically, he's MY baby. Tess: Yes, but you disowned him. Spidey: I'll get it! opens door Pizza deliver: Pepperoni, no cheese? Tess: NO CHEESE? forgets Draco and runs off to inspect pizza Spidey: Mmmm, sounds perfect. Thanks. Draco: Will someone get that boy out of here? Potter and Hayden: Me? Draco: Both of you! Spidey: But I don't want my Hayden to leave! Draco: You have the pizza. Why do you need my ex-son? Spidey: He obviously needs emotional support. Besides, I wuv him. XX: No, you can't. You see, he's made for- Oops, shouldn't have said that. Draco: Huh?? Spidey: XX wants your kids to get together with Harry's kids. It's all very complicated. Oh no, there isn't any pizza left. Tess: But it didn't have cheese! bursts into tears Draco: Um. Ginny: Why don't we move into the sitting room? We can have the house elves open the door from now on. Besides, I want to get to know all of you! Spidey: Is there food? Depth: Cookies? Draco: Is this all they think about? XX: Pretty much. Draco: I want pizza. XX: Me, too. Ginny: Where's the pizza? Hayden: Sorry guys, there isn't any pizza left. Spidey ate it all. XX: stares at Hayden comes to a sudden realization Tess, did you say Hayden was supposed to marry Tristy? Tess: is wary I might have, yeah . . . Hayden: Um - Harry: Who's Tristy? XX: SQUEE! pulls out a notebook and begins to take notes So, Hayden, how do you feel about having the ceremony at Chalice Well? Hayden: See, the thing is . . . there's Jess. XX: scratches head Harry, do you have a daughter named Jess? Harry: Not that I recall . . . XX: glares at Caius You told Hayden to move in with a scarlet woman WHO WAS SOMEBODY ELSE'S SCARLET WOMAN DAUGHTER AND NOT HARRY'S? advances on Caius Caius: backs away XX: fists curl HE WAS SUPPOSED TO MARRY TRISTY! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWO CHILDREN NAMED TEMPEST AND BEN! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE IN A HOUSE WITH A WHITE PICKET FENCE AND GROW OLD TOGETHER AND ARGUE ALL THE WHILE! decks Caius Caius: passes out Everyone: stares XX: continues to rant and rave Tess: slaps XX XX: rubs cheek What did you do that for? Tess: You needed it. shrug XX: BUT NOTHING CAN GET IN THE WAY OF MY BELOVED SHIP! About this Jess character . . . er, Nikita, would you mind fulfilling your hitman duties? Harry: calms down XX who has gone all googly eyed Everyone: sits down in the sitting room Doorbell: rings Ginny: Pinky, can you get that? Seamus: So, how long have you two been together now? Ron: Seamus, when did you get here? Seamus: I've been here the whole time! Depth: No you haven't... Seamus: I haven't? Harry: No... Seamus: disappears into thin air Ginny: ... That was weird. Doorbell: rings Ginny: Pinky, Cobby? Can someone get that? Nikita: So, how long have you two been together now? Draco: Twenty years. Ginny: Draco, we've been together for 25 years! Everyone: Oooooh, you're in troooub-llllle! Draco: That's what I said, didn't I? 25 years?... nervous grin Doorbell: rings Ginny: CAN ONE OF THE HOUSE ELVES ANSWER THE DOORBELL ALREADY?! Hermione: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you, Ginny. Ginny: Hermione: I secretly freed all your house elves when you weren't looking. Draco: You what?! Ron: Hermione! Hermione: Having a house elf isn't right! They shouldn't have to be slaves like that! Draco: Granger, I can't believe you freed our HOUSE ELVES! Ginny: Shut up, Draco, you didn't even know it was our 25th anniversary! Ron: Hermione, how could you do something like that to them? Doorbell: rings D/G Shippers: SOMEBODY GET THE F-- Harry: I'll get it! XX: sigh My hero... Harry: opens door Seamus: Hi! Depth: Weird... Tess: notices Seamus and stops obsessing about unnatural pizza that has no cheese Weird. abruptly advances on Seamus The Matrix has you! XX: Annnnnd it's time Tess has another calming Snape cookie. Hayden, will you help me force-feed her? Tess: My BABY!!! Seamus (master of the Matrix): Twenty-five years is a long time. Draco: in undertone You're telling me! is slapped by Ginny Harry: Well, I hate to say this to a Malfoy, but both of you should be really proud of yourselves! You've raised several fantastic children . . . Hayden: leaning in sexy way against mantle piece Exactly how many PHBs are there now? Ginny/Draco: p-H-Bs? Harry: Don't you guys read your own thread on FAP?? How can you expect to keep up if you don't take an interest? PHBs - Pink Haired Babies. Tess: Right - I've ALWAYS known that shifty eyes Four hundred F&Iers who've had to re-explain the PHB concept to Tess roll their eyes in disgust XX: So, back to the original question . . . Draco: Oh, how many kids . . . er, considering the number of times we practiced guttery activity in closets all over Hogwarts - we've probably had at least five children out of wedlock. Hayden: I was a love child? XX: glares Marry Tristan . . . Harry: Who? Tess: Will we ever actually establish if she, or any other WE characters actually exist? Spidey: Me so hungry . . . Ginny: And then of course, there are so many fantastic D/G kids in so many fantastic fics . . . if they all belonged to us . . . does quick mental arithmatic Draco: holding calculator with complicated figures all over screen My guess, love, is that we have at least twenty-five children in wedlock. Ginny: My god! How did I do it? XX: Mmmm . . . PHBs . . . doorbell rings Ginny: is still amazed at her capability of having 25 children Doorbell: is still ringing Ginny: Er - I'll get that...walks to door while muttering about too many children and no house elves Door: is opened Ashlee: Hi! Ginny: Um, hello. I reckon you're here for the party? Ashlee: walking past Ginny Why of course! Ginny: And...we sent you an invitation, right? Ashlee: Eh, probably not. But why would that stop me? Ginny: ... Draco: And WHO are you? Ginny: Draco, don't be rude! Draco: Well she barges in our house and acts like she owns the place and I just want to know who the hell she is! Everyone: OMG! ITS ASHLEE! SHE'S ALIVE!! Ashlee: is scared by sudden outbursts Draco: Oh! You're the no good shipper who abandoned her shipmates! Ashlee: Hey! Listen, I'm a GOOD shipper, thanks! I just haven't been able to post since school's started, thats all! Draco: Riiight... Ashlee: glare Don't make me pull a Movie!Hermione on you. Draco: walks away muttering about bad characterization in PoA It was a slap...honestly...it didn't even hurt... Atmosphere: is silent Grasshoppers: are chirping Ashlee: facepalm Ginny: Don't mind him, he does that alot. So, Ashlee is it? I've heard alot about you- Ashlee: None of its true! I swear! Ginny: It was good stuff, actually. Ashlee: Oh. Ginny: Anyway, you're going to go post over at the F&I thread soon, right? Ashlee: Of course! I think I'd get fangirl thwamped if I didn't. Ginny: True...they are pretty ambitious. Ashlee: They are... Ginny: And you're friends with them aren't you? Ashlee: Absolutley! Draco: coming back from where ever the hell he went Birds of a feather... Ashlee: As much as I hate to agree with girly-man here, he's right. I'm just as obsessed as the lot of them. Ginny: headdesk Doorbell: rings Ashlee: Oh, I'll get that- Harry and Ron walk by Ashlee: OMGWTFITSHARRYANDRON! Ron: Then I was playing Quidditch the other day and I got this huge cut right across my stomach, I mean its just straight across my belly button - Harry: Seriously? I've got one just like that! Ashlee: chases after Harry and Ron Hey, wait a minute! lies I've got one like that as well! I'll show you mine if you show me yours! You guys go first, plzthnxs! Door: is forgotten Ginny: I thought you were going to go post on the thread! Ashlee: Yea, yea, I'm getting there! Draco: WTF? I thought this party was about us. Why is it everyone's walking away from me? Ginny: eyeroll Draco: This is ridiculous! Harry: calling out We can't help it if we're better looking then you, Malfoy! mocks Its all in the hair! You just don't have it! Draco: I KEEL YOU, POTTER! Doorbell: is still ringing Ginny: Oh, suck it up and answer the door, Draco... XX: Now if you don't post on the new - pauses in tackleglompage of Ashlee Well, is someone planning on opening the door for the miserable soul on the other side? Draco: Fine then. Door: is opened Cloaked Figure Number Two: Uncle Draco! Draco: Uncle Draco? Nobody calls me Uncle Draco! Ron: Damn skippy. No way in hell my children are calling that prat uncle. Nikita: What do they call him? Caius: is returning to consciousness Mr. Malfoy when Uncle Ron is around. Spidey: Only when Ron is around? Danica: You don't think they'd bother with that ridiculousness all the time, do you? Cloaked Figure Number Two: whines Why are you all ruining my dramatic entrance? Tess: Er, sorry, please proceed. takes out notepad Natalie: takes out notepad as well More like a soap opera everyday, I'm tellin ya. Cloaked Figure Number Two: pulls off cloak Draco: I knew you were cheating on Pansy, Potter! Harry: to Cloaked Figure Number Two Who are you? Cloaked Figure Number Two: bursts into tears XX: You people are so slow! Ginny: glares XX: apologetic shrug Er, well, it's mostly Harry. He's so clueless - it's quite adorable. Depth: XX, we all know you fancy Harry, just get on with it! Cloaked Figure Number Two: You fancy my father? That's sick and wrong, lady! Harry: Your what? XX: There's nothing wrong with fancying Harry - he's quite fit, isn't he, Ginny? Ginny: You know that's a topic I can't discuss at my own anniversary party! XX: Fine, an impartial person . . . where's Blaise got off to? Tess: Er, I wouldn't call him/her impartial, per se . . . Cloaked Figure Number Two: Let us please stop talking about my father that way . . . Hayden: I know you . . . Harry: If this IS my daughter, you'd best be speaking platonically, boy . . . Hayden: makes discrete exit into kitchen, to which refuge he is followed by Spidey, who is still hungry Draco: See? See why we disowned him? That kid's trouble. Tess: MY BABY bursts into tears XX: produces Snape cookies in liquid form and produces IV needle Tess: runs screaming like little Irish school girl and wishing she had hair like one. Joins Hayden and Spidey in kitchen XX: satisfied I am her beta and I am a genius! Tess: from kitchen HOW TRUE! Cloaked Figure Number Two: stamps foot Hell-o??? Still standing here! Draco: So are we ever going to find out who you are then so we can get on with the rest of the party? Caius: You're the one who seemed to know so much about WE - isn't it obvious? Looks just like Uncle Harry - Draco: He's not your bloody uncle! Don't ever call him that to self especially if my nieces and nephews can't call me Uncle Draco. Caius: ignores him Has some mysterious connection to Hayden, has glasses and bright green eyes . . . Everyone: ????? Caius: Oh, for . . . doorbell rings Ginny: This is the most bizarre anniversary party . . . and who orders pizza for someone's anniversary? Honestly! ding dong Ginny: opens door. Plum: Hello!!! Glomps Ginny: Wheezes. You're cutting off my circulation!!! I need air! Draco: Hey you filthy muggle let go of my wife! Plum: Lets go. I brought gifts. Dumps load of gifts into Ginny and Draco's arms. Ginny: Cough, wheeze. Thank you. Draco: Glares at Plum who is busy looking around and see's Spidey eating at the buffet table. Plum: Ohhh!!! Spidey!!! Are those bon bons that she's eating?!? There's Blaise!!! Pushes past them, making them fall with gifts on top of them, and heads over to Spidey. Door: Ding Dong* In walks the most gorgeous woman, with waist length auburn hair, and clear bright blue eyes with thick lashes. All the guys drool, while the women look on with mistrust and disgust. women: in a breathy tone Why hello, my name is Moonlight Violet Alexis Fafa Moo Moo the Second, but you can call me Mary Sue! F&I shippers: gasp XX: Be gone, you wrench! Harry: I think I'm in love...MARRY ME MARY SUE! Mary Sue: giggles Okay dokie! Draco: NO!!! MARRY ME MARY SUE! I'm worth more than Potter and will guarantee to produce children with pretty hair! Haha, ooo burn Potter! Harry: Well, I guarentee that our kids will definitely not get the gene that makes them run away screaming like a girl when they go into the forest. Ahaha, oh snap Malfoy, I totally won! All this time the rest of the party looks on with amazement, except for Ginny, who has been steadly turning redder and redder in the face. Ginny: Oh that is it!!! waves wand FRAPPER LE BOGEY! hoards of bats surround and screech around Draco's and Harry's face, while Mary Sue gets afraid of the scarwey bats You are sleeping on the coach tonight for sure Draco! How dare you proposed marriage right in front of me and our guests!? You're despicable! storms off Draco: Wait!! Ginny!! It wasn't me, I swear! That lady must have had Veela charms or something. sees that Ginny has not slowed down Pookie pie!! Harry, Ron, Hermione: snickers Draco: Oh put a cork in it! winces when Ginny slams the door and magnified the noise 10x with her wand Er, kids will some of you go calm your mother down? Whoever gets her down, will get an extra hundred gallons for your allowence Caius and Danica: OH SWEET! Runs up the stairs to try to console Ginny Depth: So, Hayden you're the oldest son of Draco and Ginny, who has been disowned because you're living with a girl named Jess aka "Scarlet Woman"? N&hp: Yeah, this is getting confusing! Too many children too keep up with! Hayden: Apparently. Cloaked Figure Number Two: Helloooo? waves hand Is no one going to try to figure out who I am? Hayden: scratches gorgeous blonde head I know you . . . Harry: glares at Hayden Everyone Else: ignores CFNT CFNT: bursts into tears My father just proposed marriage to some trollop and no one remembers I exist! sob And - XX: Your supposed love interest is off living with some scarlet woman named Jess. glares at Hayden mutters Why is everyone trying to ruin my ship, damnit . . . Jesse: It'll work out, you'll see . . . Danica: MU-UUUUM! CFNT is crying and XX is glaring at Hayden! Sounds right up your alley! Ginny: runs downstairs joins XX in glaring at Hayden It's all right, sweetie. hands CFNT a tissue Men are pigs. Like father, like son. glares at Draco Draco: looks offended I knew that kid was trouble . . . Danica: Suc-CESS! I got Mum to come downstairs, now cough it up, Dad! Draco: Grr . . . forks over cash Danica: SWEET! Caius: glares at Danica CFNT: sniffle Harry: pats CFNT uncertainly CFNT: sobs more loudly than ever