Anniversary Party II: Don't you know we NEVER leave?
lilli: We are one a quest! Que the questish music!
Jesse: Plus we have a plot again!
Everyone: *cheers*
Nikita: So according to the map we go that way *points left*
Everyone: *gathers food and drinks and matches and rope and wool hats and coats and sing along tapes and the talking hot chocolate and battle axes*
fey: battle axes?
Bunny: I was more wondering about the sing along tapes
lilli: *shrugs*
Draco: likes to sing to Disney songs
Draco: Do not!
lilli: Do to!
Draco: Do not!
lilli: Do too!
Ginny: That's enough children
Depth: PEACE!!
Tess Pace *snigger snigger*
Harry: MY CAPSLOCK!
Hermione: Ugh here we go again...
Everyone: *starts marching in the way Nikita said.
Spidey: We should sing a song!
Draco: Yea!! *cough* I mean your crazy
lilli: THE ANTS GO MARCHING ONE BY ONE HORAY HORAY
XX: NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo please save me!!!!!!!!!
Harry: MY CAPSLOCK
lilli: Fine XX.... Tessie, Nuff Said McGreevey shouted
We're not here to mess around
Boston, you know we love you madly
Hear the crowd roar to your sound
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Boston, you are the only only only
Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Red Sox, you are the only only only
XX: *dies*
Tess: Now look what you did! You killed me beta!!
lilli: *weeps* I'm sorry!!!
Depth: *glares at lilli* These days come and go, but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away.
Everyone who is wise enough to understand: *sees the light*
Draco: Wait a minute you guys. You are all crazy and you have a Fixer uper why don't you just bring her back to life. Peoples heads have been ripped off. And gotten blood on my sofa *glares* But they are alive right?
Depth: YOU ARE MY HERO!!! *tackles Draco*
lilli Oh Fey! Fixer Uper!
Fey: *makes XX alive*
Spidey: Now, on with our mission! After we eat of course!
Nikita: Spidey It isn't dinner time yet.
Spidey: Fine Miss I-have-a-map-so-now-I-am-all-powerful
Nikita: We aren't even out of the house yet Spidey
XX: Here have a Snape Cookie
Diana and Snape: *glare*
Jesse: Hey how did they get here?
Diana and Snape: *shrugs* Oh well.
Everyone: *keeps marching on*
Nikita: Okay! It says when we meet the old rotten number eight smiling running man eyeball to go right. Are we there?
Ginny: What the heck does that mean?
Fred: It means when
George: You pass the
Fred: statue of
George: Draco's Dad
Fred: Y'all turn to the
George: Right!
Draco: *munches on cookie* Hey--! Wait are you saying my dad was an old rotten number eight smiling running man eyeball??
lilli: That's not fair!! I happen to know his dad is very sexy!
Draco: Um-- ew.
Nikita: Well, here we are. TURN RIGHT!
Everyone: *turns right*
Depth: *recites Robert Frost's poem Two Paths*
Tess: Gee, I hope that's the title. Ah, well, I know what I'm talking about.
Everyone Who Is Zen and Thinks Deeply About Things: Peace! Understanding! Nirvana!
Everyone else: . . . wtf?
Nikita: Okay, left ahead!
Tess: I like being a pirate.
XX: Tess, what're you wearing??
Tess: Oh, it's my pirate Halloween costume from this year. Isn't it nice? I thought the Jack Sparrow eyeliner was particularly fetching.
Nikita: *to self* Fetching . . . right . . .
Jack Sparrow: Argh matie aunty erlack-a-pongos
Fey: *in undertone to Spidey* My god, he's going from pirate to English Valley Girl.
Spidey: How deeply disturbing.
Draco: *mumbling* You're ALL deeply disturbing.
Depth: Remember, Draco, it takes all kinds to make the world go round.
Everyone Who Is Zen and Thinks Deeply About Things: So true.
Draco: 
Ginny: 
Draco: 
. . . 
. . . 
Ginny: *sarcastically* Oh, cute, Draco.
F&Iers: Haven't you learned yet that EVERYTHING he does is cute?
Tess: Depth, have you considered becoming a daytime talkshow host?
Depth: That's insulting! And where did THAT come from?
Tess: Well, you're awfully wise and sage-like.
Depth: What does that have to do with daytime talkshows?
XX: *thoughtfully* Naw, she might have a point . . . you could give people wise and sage-like advice and mako booku dollar and then donate it to . . .
Depth: *skeptically* To . . .
lilli: To our masqerade ball!
Everyone: YAY!
Diana: I thought we agreed that Draco was paying for that . . .
Ginny: Of course he is
There's no need to resort to work or anything silly like that.
Draco: Especially daytime talkshows . . . ugh, daytime talkshows . . .
Fey: Did you . . . just agree to pay for our masquerade ball???
Draco: *in manner of Homer Simpson* Doh!
X: First of all, Tess, it's called The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. . .
Depth: *clears throat*
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Mods: STOP!
XX: Oh for the love of - Depth, they're going to take a point of me if you read the entire thing, so just read the last verse, chop, chop!
Depth: *continues*
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Everyone: *claps*
Mods: *retreat, grumbling*
Fey's Number One Fan: Doesn't anyone care who I am?
Hayden: Stuff it, Damien.
Damien: No, I don't think so. You can tell me to stuff it after you try BEING IGNORED FOR AN ENTIRE THREAD! YOU'VE BEEN SWOONED OVER AND SNOGGED BY SHIPPERS -
Tristy: *glares at Shalei and XX*
XX: Hey! I did it for your own good, you ungrateful -
Damien: AND YOU HAD JESS CORNER AND THEN TRISTY AND TESS ALWAYS DEFENDS YOU AND YOU GET THE MOST LINES!
Hayden: All my siblings hate me. *sniff*
Damien: SEE? AND FOR ALL DANICA COMPLAINS, SHE'S HAD THREE LOVE INTERESTS! COUNT 'EM - THREE! MR. NOTT, TOM FELTON, AND NOW BRENDAN FINNEGAN!
Hayden: *glares at Brendan Finnegan* *cracks knuckles*
Brendan: *wibble*
Snape: *sneers* Typical Gryffindor.
Diana: *nods enthusiastically*
Danica: *facepalm*
Damien: AND CAIUS HOOKED UP WITH A SHIPPER! A real crazy shipper, BUT STILL! THEY GET SCENES!
XX: But he was only using me to make Jess Corner jealous. *sniffle*
Depth: I knew you still had feelings for Caius! Mr. Doorbell is mine, I tell you!
Harry: MY CAPSLOCK! MINE! MINE! MINE! MY PRECIOUS!
Fey: *ignores Harry* You obviously DON'T APPRECIATE ME! We're through!
Tess: Finally, a little angst!
F&I-ers: *gasp*
Natalie: No wonder XX named her Almighty Shipper Antithesis!
Tess: Yeah - everyone knows Almighty Shipper ships S.S. Deny Thy Father, too. *shifty look*
Everyone, including XX: WTF?
lilli: *facepalm*
Spidey: For gods' sakes, Tess, Deny Thy Father is not Shipper/Malfoy. It's second generation Malfoy/Potter.[/end ship pimpage] You write it, so by definition, you ship it. Unless you start writing Dorian/Tristy.
Depth and XX: Mental images . . . need spork . . . *eyetwitch*
Dorian: *looks interested*
Natalie: *makes slicing motion across neck*
Tess: *shivers*
Bunny: So you mean Tess could be the Almighty Shipper?
Nikita: But she's already the Almighty Shipper Antithesis.
Depth: *ponders*
Crickets: *chirp*
Depth: Maybe she has split personality disorder.
Draco: I think that's the stupidest thing you've said all night.
Fey: *stops angsting long enough to give the Wise Old Sage crown, which XX has made reappear with her powerful Yankee fangirling skills, a lustful look*
Depth: *blubbers*
Ginny: *gives Draco a look that glaringly obviously means that the next time he'll get any is the twelfth of never*
Damien: WHAT ABOUT ME?
XX: Oh for - *snogs Damien*
Everyone: *gasp*
Fey: *murderous look*
Jesse: What about Caius?
Depth: *sniffling* Who cares?
Voice: HEY!
veryone: *turns around*
Voice: I heard you guys needed a daytime talkshow host!
Tess: No, actually, I was just...
Voice: Because here I am!!!!
XX: Ummm... Who are you?
Voice: I'm Kathie Lee Gifford, of course!
Everyone: *huddles together and screams*
Kathie Lee: What's wrong?
Depth: GET AWAY FROM ME, DEVIL WOMAN!
Harry: MY CAPS LOCK!
Kathie Lee: Why does everyone hate me? *sniffle*
lilli: Because you're a bi*** who makes little kids work like slaves in sweat shops to make your stupid clothes!
Kathie Lee: *grows devil horns* I NEVER KNEW ABOUT THAT! I LOVE LITTLE KIDS!!!! SEEEEE?!?!?! *grabs Harry*
Draco: HEY, PUT ME DOWN! I'M NOT A LITTLE KID! AND DON'T STEAL MY CAPS LOCK!!!!!!
Kathie Lee: I wuv you, widdle kiddie! *squeezes Harry to death*
Depth and Draco: Ooh, she killed him! *cheers*
XX: *glare*
Fey: Hey, Kathie Lee! You're not even on that daytime talkshow anymore! How can you still consider yourself a host?!
Kathie Lee: What are you talking about?! I just got back from doing today's episode of Regis and Kathie Lee!
Spidey: What??? But it's Regis and Kelly now! Kelly Ripa took your spot!
Kathie Lee: I have no idea what you're talking about! I don't know who Kelly Ripa is!
Depth: I think she's delusional, you guys! She still thinks she's on that show!
Bunny: Okay, um, Kathie Lee... Who did you guys interview on the show this morning?
Kathie Lee: Why, James Lipton, of course!
Fey: HA! She obviously is crazy, because James Lipton was with us the entire time!
Depth: Wow, what a koinkeedink!
XX: Is "koinkeedink" a word?
Tess: I think she spelled it wrong again.
XX: YOU CAN'T SPELL SOMETHING WRONG IF YOU'RE TALKI--
Tess: VOLDIE!!!!
XX: *gets run over by an ice cream truck*
Nikita: I feel it is our civic duty to make sure Kathie Lee knows the truth about her job.
Spidey: But that would crush her spirit!
Nikita: But she can't continue living a lie! It's just not right! She's confused!
Kathie Lee: *is humming the Regis and Kathie Lee theme to herself*
Depth: Does Regis and Kathie Lee even have a theme song?
lilli: Well, if it doesn't, you're off the hook because she's crazy anyway.
Spidey: I still think it's sort of mean to take her out of her happy state of happiness.
XX: *giggle* Happy state of happiness...
Nikita: WELL, AS THE OFFICIAL MAP-HOLDER, I SAY WE'RE GONNA DO IT!
Spidey: But what does holding a map have to do with anything?! *gets run over by an ice cream truck*
Nikita: Now that I've got an official title, Tess isn't the only one with connections with Voldemort! *high-fives Voldemort*
Fey: I agree with you, Nikita. And as Official Sorter-Outer, I'll fix everything! *waves her Sorter-Outer wand and Kathie Lee disappears*
Nikita: Thanks, Fey!
Spidey: But that didn't help her find out that she's not still on that show! It just got rid of her! *gets run over by an ice cream truck...again*
Ginny: Phew, finally that madwoman's gone. She scares me.
Draco: ...Is it the twelfth of never yet?
Ginny: *facepalm*
XX: Wow, he sure can read her glares well.
pidey: Before we continue, there are some things lilli and I want cleared up.
lilli: Leave me out of this, crazy woman.
Spidey: First of all, what is with all the crazy celebrity people? I don't even know who Kathie-Lee-what'shername is!
Tess: You say that as if you never brought in a celebrity yourself. *coughBarneycough*
Spidey: Barney's not a celebrity! He's an evil monster bent on eating my soul!
XX: Uh, WTF?
Spidey: It's a tragic story, really. When I was a child, I used to love Barney. And then I forgot about him. But when I was ten years old, a few other students and I were doing a favor for a sick girl and had to watch Barney. We had an epiphany while watching him. We learned that he was bent on eating our souls. *sniff*
Fey: Awwwwww, there there. Have a Snape cookie!
XX: Those are my cookies!
Spidey: And all the celebrities just make the whole thing SO CONFUSING!
Depth: You say that like it's a BAD thing.
Harry: My capslock!
Spidey: I don't even watch TV!
Depth: *gasp*
Spidey: And if the celebrities aren't bad enough, lilli and I don't even get titles!
lilli: Hear hear!
XX: It's not like I have a title, either.
Tess: Don't be silly, XX, of course you do. You're the Official WE Beta and Promoter of All Things S.S. Deny Your Father and Head of Merchandising.
XX: W00t! I get a long title!
lilli: Yeah, well, we want titles! We want to be able to run people over with ice cream trucks.
Fey: What does this have to do with the quest?
Nikita: You have your staff-thread positions.
Bunny: Yeah, but those are from the staff thread. To run over people, we need RR II titles!
Fey: Not everyone can have titles. If they did, then the whole thing would be less special.
Draco: WTF is going on?
Ginny: Don't ask me, darling.
Draco & Ginny: *snogshagsnogshagsnog*
Bunny: Fey, you're just saying that because you have a title. Do you know how the rest of us feel, all alone and empty inside? I thought shipping was about eqaulity! I thought Fire and Ice was about acceptance and love over differences. So why can't you accept us and give us a title?
Depth: To have a title is to be blown in the wind.
Everyone: WTF?
Fey: That doesn't make sense. At all.
lilli: We want titles! We will not back down until we get them!
Spidey: We are going to make protest signs and hold rallies and find the Almight Shipper before you guys do.
Nikita: But we have the map!
lilli: *steals map* Not only do we now have the map, but we also have Draco, Ginny, and all the PHBs on our side!
Hayden: Leave us out of this!
Bunny: And Tristy. Don't forget her.
Depth: But what about peace?
Spidey: You denied us peace by not giving us titles!
Bunny: Yeah! And now we're going to do a protest march!
lilli: Yeah!
Spidey: Yeah!
Tess: This is insane.
XX: But of course.
Depth: Well, fine, then! If we're not gonna have peace, I DEMAND THAT I BE ABLE TO PROTEST WITH YOU!
Spidey: YOU CAN'T! YOU'VE ALREADY GOT A TITLE!!!
Harry: MY CAPS LOCK!
XX: I thought you were dead, Harry!
Spidey: I brought him back to life in my post because I don't know who in the heck Katie Leigh Jiffie is, therefore his death didn't really happen!
Depth: It's KATHIE LEE GIFFORD! And I thought she was a wonderful addition to our search!
Spidey: She had no point in being here! She just made things confusing!
Depth: Spidey, why must you protest everything? You protest against bringing Kathie Lee here, you protest against helping Kathie Lee learn the truth, you protest against me being in the protest, you protest against Barney and all of his soul-sucking-ness... Therefore I deem you Official Protestor!
Spidey: *gasp* Y-you mean I have a title now?
Depth: *nods sagely*
Spidey: YAAAAY!!! *throws down protest signs*
lilli: Spidey, what are you doing?! You have to stay with us in the fight for shipper equality!
Spidey: Who cares anymore?! I have a title now! *dances around merrily*
lilli: Forget Spidey, you guys! We don't need her!
Bunny: Yeah!!!
Tess: I'm confused! Who all is protesting now?
Nikita: It seems it's just Bunny and lilli now, because no one else has spoken up. They can always complain later, I guess.
Fey: As Official Sorter-Outer, I hereby dub Bunny the Official Titler! Bunny, you can now give lilli a title!
Bunny: w00t! Okay, lilli, I'll title you...
Bunny: I'll title you- Wait, that doesn't sound proffessional. lilli, I hereby dub you Official Chocolate Eater!
Spidey: I protest!!! lilli shouldn't be the one eating chocolate. I'm the eternally hungry, after all!
lilli: Yes, but last thread I went around saying chocolate... mmm... or something like that.
Spidey: Yeah, but that was last thread! This thread, you need a name that fits your personality! Your soul! Your very escence.
Bunny: I know! I know! How about Official Fangirl?
Spidey: Yes, but to whom?
Bunny: Why do you want to make my job difficult?
Spidey: Don't blame me, blame Depth. She's the one who made me Official Protester.
Depth: When you seek for the one to blame, then the blame falls heavily upon your own shoulders.
Everyone Wise Enough to Understand: AWW! We see the light!
Everyone else: WTF?
Bunny: This time, whatever title I give lilli is permanent. I hereby dub you, lilli, the Official Shipper Referred to as lilli.
lilli: W00t! Awesomest title ever!!
Draco: Stupidest title ever.
Ginny: Don't insult our guests, darling.
Fey: Okay, so, is everyone happy now?
Everyone: ^_^ Yup!
Nikita: Yay! Then we shall now get back to following the map! *steals map back from lilli*
lilli: *grumblegrumble you're just jealous that I'm THE Official Shipper grumblegrumble*
Tess: Okay, what does the map say to do next, Nikita?
Nikita: Okay, it says to walk fifty paces to our left.
Everyone: *walks fifty paces to their left*
Nikita: Now we must walk a hundred feet to our left again, then turn right and walk two feet, then do the Hokey Pokey, turn ourselves around, and stop at the gas station that should be there.
Bunny: Ummm, okaaay...
Everyone: *follows Nikita's directions*
Depth: I don't see a gas station...
Spidey: Am I gonna have to protest, Nikita? Where's the gas station? I'm hungry!
lilli: Let me see that! *takes the map from Nikita*
Nikita: *wibble*
lilli: Hey, Nikita! We kept turning left whenever we were supposed to turn right and turning right whenever we were supposed to turn left!
Nikita: Nuh-uh! Left is THIS way! *points to her right* See? *holds up her right hand, making a backwards L with her index finger and thumb* See? It makes a backwards L!
Tess: *stage whisper to Nikita* Actually, Nikita, your other hand makes an L too... Only it's in the right direction.
Nikita: *gasp* Really?...
XX: Do you mean to tell me... THAT WE'RE LOST?!?!?!?!
lilli and Depth: LOST! Like the TV show, yay!
Nikita: No, we're not lost! All we have to do is retrace our steps!
Bunny: But... How do we do that? *looks around*
Everyone: *looks around*
Draco: WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DESERT?!?!
Ginny: But we're not even a mile from our house! There isn't a desert around our house!
Spidey: Hey, this is the fandom. *shrugs*
F&Iers: *look at Spidey expectantly*
Spidey: Oh, um, I mean... I protest this! This is nonsense! Where'd this desert come from?!
Jesse: What are we going to do now?!
Sidiqa: *laughs maniacally*
Spidey: I PROTEST THAT! Why are you laughing like that, Sidiqa?!
Sidiqa: I don't know! It just seemed appropriate!
XX: OH NO, I'M GETTING THIRSTY! I NEED WATER! HOW COME WE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING BUT SAND FOR MILES AND MILES?! HOW DID IT SUDDENLY GET SO HOT WHEN IT WAS SNOWING A BIT AGO?!?!?! I'M FREAKING OUT OVER HERE!!!!!!
Fey: SNAP OUT OF IT, WOMAN! *slaps XX in the face*
XX: Thanks, Fey, I needed that.
Harry: Need...water... C-caps lock...
Tristy: Oh, come on, Daddy, we've only been away from the house for thirty minutes. Buck up!
Harry: *wibble* Why must you be so mean to me?
Fey: As Official Sorter-Outer, I have decided we must sort things out!
Shalei: By doing what, exactly?
Fey: Ummm...
lilli: If only we had the Almighty Shipper here to help us!
Tess: Wait, well, you still have me, the Almighty Shipper Antithesis!
Fey: What do you propose we do, Almighty Shipper Antithesis?
Tess: Well, first of all, I think we should give Nikita her map back. She is Official Map-Holder after all, and we all make mistakes.
Nikita: Squee! Thanks, Tess! *takes her map back from lilli*
Spidey: So...hungry... Tess... Save us... Fey... Sort things out... Depth...
Depth: Say something wise???
Spidey: Actually, I was going to say that you look mighty tasty right about now, but suuure, why the heck not. Say something wise.
Depth: A land without sand is a land made of ice cream.
Tess: Ice cream!
Nikita: That's it!
Tess: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Nikita?
Nikita: I think so, Tess! But... How are we going to get enough money to start our own ice cream business?
Tess: We can sell Draco and Ginny's house!
Nikita: Great idea!!!
Draco: *eye twitch*
Fey: No, you idiots! What are you talking about?! Don't you see?! We can call Voldemort for help!
Tess and Nikita: Oh, yeah... *grumblegrumble we were gonna be so rich grumblegrumble*
Tess: *half-heartedly* Voooldiiie...
Ice Cream Truck: *appears*
Spidey: We're saved, we're saved! I'd like a Bill Weasley ice cream bar!
Voldemort: ...Those don't exist.
Bill Weasley:
Spidey: What?! Noooooo!!!!! I protest that, I protest that!!!
Everyone: *piles into the ice cream truck*
XX: *as she is the last climbing into the truck* Hey, wait... *squints* There was a Starbucks and a Wal-Mart right behind us the entire time! We should've known! *shrugs* *climbs into the truck*
Tess: I would like to join Spidey's protesting long enough to protest the demonic Wal-Mart. *to self* Must destroy soul-sucking Wal-Mart *eyetwitch*
Nikita: Quickly, Voldie, fetch her some jamocha almond fudge. Tess, come back to us . . .
Tess: *snaps out of it* Thanks, Nikita . . . *takes large bite of cone and gags* Voldie, WTF? What's in this coffee ice cream? Is it a weird brew or something?
Depth: Let me taste *takes bite and winces* Blech!
Voldie: What?? It's just coffee!
Tess and Depth: . . . and . . . ?
Voldie: *looks shifty* . . . evil coffee . . .
XX: There's such a thing as "evil coffee"?
Voldie: Oh, yes . . . *gets far off, evil look in his eye as he pilots the ice cream truck recklessly through the desert*
Fey: So? How do you make evil coffee?
Voldie: Well, you brew it while doing evil deeds, of course! Derr! . . .
*Suddenly, the ice cream truck, still plowing recklessly and aimlessly through the desert begins to slow down considerably*
Sidiqua: Yo, Voldie! What's going on up there?
Voldie: Dunno . . . it's like the truck's stuck in mud, though. Except . . . waaaaiiiit a minute . . .
Truck: *Stops suddenly. Everyone in the back is thrown against the barrier between the driver's seat and the back*
Tess: Owww, XX - you're squashing my spleen!
XX: Sorry!
Everyone: Her spleen?
Tristy: And I won't mention what Hayden's squashing because a) he might be murdered by my father and b) I think he's doing it on purpose!
Hayden: *shiftily* I'm not.
Everyone: *slowly peels themselves from the wall of the truck*
Natalie: So, Voldie, figured out what's going on up there?
Voldie: *voice muffled* Not yet . . .
Depth: As wise old sage, I feel it my duty to say something meaningful . . . Fey, you're the Official Sorter Outer! Go figure out what he's doing! Spidey, you go protest that! lilli, go fangirl Voldie! Tess . . . er . . . what is it you do, exactly, as Almighty Shipper Antithesis?
Tess: *sob* I don't know! I don't even know what the Almighty Shipper does!
XX: Well, I expect that you do what you've been doing and NOT post for long periods of time *glares*
Tess: Only because I was working so hard on WE, Miss Official WE Beta and Promoter of All Things S.S. Deny Your Father and Head of Merchandising.
XX: Oh, sure, excuses excuses! You say you were so busy, but it took you over a month to write that last chapter and I got nary a GOOD clip the entire time!
Tess: Come here, Beta. No, closer.
*XX leans in*
Tess: *sing-song voice* The Red Sox Beat the Yaaankees, the Red Sox beat the Yaaaankees . . .
XX: I KEEL you! *reaches for nerf gun*
Depth: Pace! Peace! No blasters, no blaster!
All Who Are Star Wars fans: Go Star Wars!
Everyone else: . . . the hell?
Tess: *Smugly, and with rather stupid bravery in the face of such a deadly weapon* You can't kill me. If you do, you'll never know how WE ends . . .
WEers (all two of them besides faithful beta): NOOOOO!
XX: Can't . . . maim . . . Tess . . . but . . . mentioned . . . Red Sox . . . ah, I can't stay mad at you! *huggles* Anyway, you don't know anything about baseball, how can you know the blasphemy you insight?
Tess: *huggles back* And I'm sorry I insulted the Yankees. Merlin knows I could give a damn anyway, right?
Depth: *sagely* Remember, ladies - A kiss for a blow is always best.
Hayden: *cough* Yeah-Tristy*cough*
Shalei: So . . . how about Fey and Voldie, guys?
Fey, lilli, and Spidey: *appearing over the back of the seat, looking pale* Guys, it's bad . . .
Spidey: How bad?
Fey: *makes gestures that indicates that it's beyond explaing and they had better come see for themselves*
Everyone: *stampedes to front of trunk, but not all fit and thus, many Shippers, canon characters, and PHBs fall through the doors. Fortunately, it's fanon so no one is even remotely hurt*
Diana: *who has, through mischievous contrivence of her own, landed in Snape's lap* Oh . . . my . . . WTF is that?
Tess: *Shaking her head in horror* Uh-oh . . . this is what comes of mispellings in fandom, my friends.
Depth: Of what speakith you, o fair companion?
Everyone: *momentarily distracted* WTF?
Depth: Well, I couldn't think of anything sage to say so I figured a Shakespearian lilt would do as well. Ahem. So, o beloved shipmate, of what speakith you?
Tess: I speak of a simple error, my Shakespearian friend Omlette (the cheese Danish).
All those who have seen The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged): *Nearly pass out laughing*
Everyone else: For the LAST time, WTF???
Tess: Don't you see? Those candy sprinkles, those brownie chunks, that giant lemon drop setting in the distant hills? This isn't a desert, my friends. It's dessert!!!
Spidey: Wait . . . it was the simple omission of an "s" that made us see sand for miles instead of . . . *begins to drool* miles and miles of ice cream and choise toppings????
Nikita: *in awe* We never needed Voldie! We have all the ice cream and sweets we could need SURROUNDING us!!!
Voldie: *tearfully* Well, I can see I'm not wanted here! *vanishes, but only after running over Spidey, lilli, and XX for good measure*
Ginny: (Who is Official Head of Chocoholics United) All I ever needed . . . all I ever wanted . . . *is also drooling* . . . is here in this desert . . . or should I say . . . dessert?
Draco: Oh, that's nice. I've been replaced by a league-long fudge sundae *sulks*
Danica: *huggles* S'okay, Daddy. We still love you *indicates herself and siblings*
Tristy: *joins Danica in Draco's lap*
Danica: *sulkily* And I suppose Tristy likes you a bit as well.
Tristy: *cuddles*
Cedric, Harry, and Hayden: *Glower*
Draco: Can I help it that I'm beautiful?
Harry: According to an adolescent girl and your daughter.
Draco: And my wife!
Harry: Ginny seems to have other ideas
*Indeed, Ginny is producing a marriage license, signed by her. She seems to be having trouble and is talking to a lawyer*
Ginny: See, technically, the dessert has no hands and can't sign on the other line, but I'm sure it feels the same way I do . . .
Draco: *facepalm*
lilli: So, what do we do now?
Spidey and XX: 
Fey: It's obvious, lilli. The only way to get out of here is . . .
Spidey: *in gleefully ominous whisper* To eeeeeat our way out . . . *pulls out golden spoon* It came to me . . . my own . . . my love . . . my preeeeeeecious . . .
Shalei: Uh-oh, that's a dangerous sign. Someone get the elephant tranquillizer!!!
Depth: We shouldn't do that to her . . . let her enjoy it.
Tess: *who is busily eating away at the nearest hill of mint chocolate chip and talking to Nikita about opening their own ice cream business, looks up into the lemon-drop-set and gasps* Guys!
Everyone: *ignores her and carries on eating*
Tess: *snorts in annoyance, then clears her throat* GUYS, LOOK! TOM FELTON, DANIEL RADCLIFF, AND ALAN RICKMAN SHIRTLESS!!!
Everyone: *looks eagerly up* What - where????
Tess: Just trying to get your attention.
Everyone: Damn you . . .
Tess: No, really, it was important. Because look!! *points to horizon*
Everyone: *looks and screams like little Catholic schoolgirls*
XX: HEY!
Spidey: OMG, is that what I think it is?
Tess: I fear that it is, Spidey.
Spidey: Meep.
lilli: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's SUPERMAN!
Fey: Uh, no it isn't.
lilli: Sorry, couldn't resist.
Tess: Honestly, our doom is approaching and all you can talk about is Superman?
Spidey: Tess is right. If that's what we think it is, then we should probably be running around screaming at the top of our lungs.
Draco: Uh, I have no clue what that is.
Spidey: Then you are lucky, Draco. You are not being forced with the image of the one thing that you fear most, the one thing that has haunted your dreams since you were a little girl.
Draco: That could be because I never was a little girl.
Ginny: Don't be silly, of course you were once a little girl.
Draco: WTF?
Depth: It is the one thing that cannot be stopped. It is the one thing that we cannot resist and so we fear it.
Draco: WTF?
Fey: It's the Ring!
Draco: WTF?
Spidey: One ring to rule them all! One ring to find them! One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them!
Depth: Stop it. We're supposed to be Harry Potter fangirls, not Lord of the Rings fangirls.
Spidey: I'm not a LOTR fangirl! They are forcing me to read the Hobbit! I've alreayd read it. I don't want to do it! But the evil English teacher! And there's a test! But I'm sick! So I don't have to! Not yet! W00t! But it lives in my head. My prrrrrrrrecious.
Draco: WTF? Besides, I thought rings were supposed to be round and stuff.
XX: Yeah, that's not actually a ring. Duh.
Draco: Then WTF is it?
XX: It's-
Bunny: ET!!!!!! ::runs away screaming::
Spidey: Really? But I thought ET wasn't supposed to be scary...
Bunny: ::stops screaming and running in circles:: That's what they want you think... ::resumes::
Nikita: It's not ET! Bunny Is just delusional.
XX: Then what is it?!
Tess: Hey maybe it's that thing from Star Wars that the little people in cloaks collected junk in... you know the one that picked up R2D2 and C3PO...
Draco: Here I was thinking there was only one fandom as you call it out there... obviously I was wrong...
Lilli: Well it's obvious what we have to do.
Ginny: ::looks up, various reminents of desserts covering her face:: EAT MOREEE! MUAHAHAHA
Harry: My caps- ::Ginny throws donut at his head::
Depth: What do we have to do, Lilli?
Lilli: :: puts on army helmet that has randomly appeared:: Investigate.
XX: Are you crazy???
Depth: ::before Lilli can answer:: She who takes the first step towards the mountain is but the boldest of rock.
Everyone who understands: Ahh!
Everyone else: I'm not even going to bother...
lilli: Err... yeah... anyway! We must investigate! It's our only chance!
XX: Or we could run.
Draco: Or you could all apparate or whatever the hell you did to get here! And leave! And leave me and my family in peace! ::bordering mental breakdown::
Everyone: ::stares::
Draco: ::mops forehead with hankercheif, clears throat, and resumes stately appearance:: But that's obviously not going to happen...
Shalei: You say obviously a lot, you know that?
Draco: Obviously. ::facepalm::
Spidey: Hahahahaha!
Ginny: ::giggles:: Yes dear, you tend to-
lilli: ::interrupts:: Anyways! Step it up, women!
Nikita: lilli is right! We're never going to accomplish anything just standing here and contemplating what it might be! Who knows? It might hold the key about this Almighty Shipper!
Bunny: Ya! They can take our lives, but they cannot take our FREEEEEEEEDOMMMMM!! ::turns to Draco:: Good movie, you should see it.
Spidey: ::grabs random sword:: ONWARD!!!!
Fey: Hey... not to ruin this little escapade but.... I think it might be a little late for a sneak attack... SINCE IT'S ONLY ABOUT A HUNDRED FEET AWAY!
Everyone: ::turns around, jaws drop::
XX: OMG, I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!! IT'S...
lilli: IT'S PUBERTY!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Depth: MY EYES, MY EYES!
Spidey: It's horrible, I tell you! HORRIBLE!!!!!!!
Harry: *is oblivious to what's behind him* MY CAPSLO-- *turns around* AAAAAAAAGH!!! HORRIBLE MEMORIES FILLING MY BRAIN! First kisses, hormones, getting turned down by girls, acne... *breaks down into tears*
Caius: Daddy, I'm scared! What's puberty?!
XX: Whoa, whoa, WHOA, Caius! You're 18!!!
Ginny: Shhh, XX! Caius is a sensitive boy! He's my perfect little innocent angel, and he's never going to go through puberty!
XX: WHAT?!?! That's it, Caius! I want a divorce!
Depth: YOU WERE NEVER MARRIED!!!!!
Boy Going Through Puberty: *in nasally voice* H-hi, everyone!
Ron: Hermione, hide me! *hides behind Hermione*
Bunny: *is rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, crying* Make it go away, make it go away...
Tess: Th-those hiked up suspenders... The pocket protector... The taped-up glasses... The horrible acne... Those buck teeth... The bad hair... Th-that COWLICK... SOMEONE SAVE MEEEE!!!
Boy Going Through Puberty: I heard you guys were having a party, so I decided to join! *laughs and snorts*
Nikita: Why's he laughing?!
Jesse: He SNORTED! EW!!!
BGTP: OH MY GOSH, YOU'RE HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!! *runs over to Harry*
Harry: AAAAAAAGH, GET AWAY FROM MEEEEE!!!!!!
BGTP: I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN, HARRY POTTER! I KNOW-- *pant pant* *breathes in from his inhaler* --MORE ABOUT YOUR BOOKS THAN ANYONE ELSE!!!!!
XX: *raises an eyebrow* Ex-cuse me? You're his number one fan? You know more about the books than anyone else? HA! I think not!
BGTP: *laughs arrogantly, and quite geekily* Ha, my friends at the Deep Space Nine chatroom are never gonna believe this! I can't believe you think you know more about Harry Potter than me, Stanley the Great!
Tess: He's got a nickname for himself?...
XX: *glare*
Stanley: *glare*
Fey: This isn't something I can sort out, you guys! They're gonna have to duke it out to see who's really the bigger fanatic!
XX: Someone get us a judge! A fair, impartial judge!
Bunny: I know the perfect person for the job! It's--
Damien: ME! ME! ME!
Everyone: GO HOME, DAMIEN!
Damien: *goes off into corner to cry*
Fey:
Caius: *tugs on Ron’s sleeve* Uncle Ron, what’s puberty?
XX:
Ron: *ignores Caius* Ahh . . . the horror, the horror . . .All those years of UST . . . *sob*
Hermione: Oh – there, there . . . *hugs Ron*
Tristy: *looks around the room and see the majority of the males curled up, whimpering over the horrors of puberty* *to Hayden* What about you?
Hayden: *haughtily* I’ve already moved on from the trauma of my adolescence.
Dorian: Even all those years of having your arse kicked at Quidditch?
Hayden: *throws himself down on the ground, sobbing*
Tristy: *feels guilty* Aww . . . *to Dorian* So I guess you’re all right, there Mr. Marry-Me-Amber?
Dorian: *tear*
XX: Hellooo? What about our impartial judge?
Bunny: As I was saying, it’s –
John Stamos: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuncle Jesse!
Tess and Depth: *curl up in agony*
Fey: Begone, oh foul nethercreature!
Bunny: Nethercreature? My poor Johnny?
XX: YOU FANGIRL HIM, TOO?!?!?!
John Stamos: *gives Bunny such a pathetically hopeful look that she can’t bear to tell him she actually thought he was Johnny Cash, teh musical virtuoso risen from the dead*
XX: *huggles Bunny*
Fey: Ahem? BEGONE!
John Stamos: *is gone*
Harry: HELLOOOOOOO?!?!?! WE HAVE TO FIND AN IMPARTIAL JUDGE TO DETERMINE WHO IS REALLY MY NUMBER ONE FAN!
Stanley: *in his nasally, yet impossibly smug voice* Well, I have an idea, based on canon. Dumbledore.
Everyone: *nods*
XX: *glareseethemuttermutterseetheglare*
Tess: Pfft. That’ll ruin the suspense, Stan.
Spidey: She should know about suspense – in the last three chapters of WE, we haven’t come a step closer to finding out who Red Robes is.
Tess: Well, actually –
Stanley: My name is Stanley.
Harry: He didn’t use my capslock. *is stunned*
Tristy: Well, XX, I hate to say it, but it seems like Stanley’s winning. You use Daddy’s capslock all the time.
XX: YOU ARE NOT THE IMPARTIAL JUDGE!
Tristy: See?
XX: *glareseeethemuttermuterseetheglare*
Tess: *fears for her baby’s life*
Bunny: As I was saying –
XX: “‘The champions will be chosen by an impartial selector: the Goblet of Fire.’” *clears throat* Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, American paperback edition, page 255.
Stanley: *glareseethemuttermutterseetheglare*
Everyone Else: *is impressed*
Bunny: *defeated* Exactly.
Nikita: But the champions have already been –
lilli: The Goblet of Fire will say who’s right in each question (or task) of each event, silly.
Natalie: Event?
Danica: This ought to be interesting.
Tess: *pulls out microphone*
Depth: *pulls out a microphone as well* In one corner, it's Stanley the Great of the Deep Space Nine chatroom.
Tess: He's a loser going through puberty and pisses the heck out of me. He thinks he's Harry's number one fan. *cough* That's all you need to know.
Stanley: *glare*
Depth: In the other corner is XX, full name XUnFoRgEtTaBlbAbEX.
Spidey and Shalei: GOOOOOOOOOO XX!
XX's Daddy: *waves XX banner*
Draco: *facepalm* What's he doing here?
Ginny: Oh, Draco, leave the poor man alone.
Draco: But he's completely bonkers.
Ginny: *gives Draco a look that glaringly obviously means that the next time he'll get any is the twelfth of never*
Draco: *facepalm*
Spidey: A few things you should know about XX -
Tess: First of all -
Bunny: ::steals microphone:: SHE LOVES THE RED SOX!
XX: ::about to convulse::
lilli: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tess: ::takes Bunny aside, whispers:: Hun, we're supposed to be HELPING XX win... not send her into cardiac arrest.
Bunny: But then I'd get to use the heart zapper shock master 5.60320985839! ::whips out random box containg the Heart Zapper Shock Master 5.60320985839::
Tess: Umm.... ::slowly hands Spidey back the microphone::
Meanwhile...
XX: Red Sox.... ::mumble mumble:: Kill..... ::mumble mumble:: my poor babies.... ::mumble mumble:: Bomb..... ::mumble mumble:: Fenway park....
Draco: ::to Ginny:: And I thought your brother was an obsessive sports fan....
Ginny: Shhh.... we already have one competition going on....
Stanley: Excuse me, I don't appreciate this intervention.
Fey: Shut it, pizza face. ::cracks knuckles::
Depth: ::rolls eyes:: Bunny! Look! It's a Steppe Hare from FFXI! Your arch nemesis!
Bunny: ::manic gleam in eyes:: I WILL KEEEEELLL YOU, Steppe Hare! ::runs after non existent Steppe Hare with macheté::
XX has calmed herself by counting the Yankee's total titles and each year they occured in.
Spidey: XX is not a R-, er, she's a Yankees fan. Moving on.
Tess: So as I was saying. First of all-
Tess: XX is the spectacular BETA for WE, a fic that has its own fanclub and groupies!
Spidey: *waves WE banner*
Tess: Not to mention that it just happens to have been written by meeeeeeeee! *preens*
Spidey: XX is also responsible, for the most part, for everyone in F&I calling me Spidey, instead of my much more formal complete screename thingamajigger, SpiderMonkey.
Stanley: Excuuuuuuuuse me, but what is F&I?
lilli: *gasp* He doesn't know what F&I is!
Tess: *gasp* The horror! *sobs*
Spidey: F&I is just the Best Ship Ever.
XX: I beg to differ *waves Hayden/Tristy flag*
Spidey: Er, in my own opinion, of course. F&I is a ship full of dynamics. Passion! Hair gel!
XX: Its own merchandising!
Shippers (in unison): Draco/Ginny!
Stanley: You mean like that ferret Malfoy in a relationship with Ginny Weasley? *snorthiccupblowsnose* Don't be ridiculous.
Ginny: *gasp*
Draco: He called me a ferret! You're going down, Stanny boy!
Stanley: *snort* Don't be silly, Malfoy.
Depth: Peace! This competition must run fairly, or there may be doubt as to whom won.
Spidey: Yeah, like in the 2000 relection. Cheating, lying piece of shrubbery.
XX: *waves Bush '04 flag*
Fey: No politics! This is a fandom debate, not a political debate. Spidey, would you care to read the first question?
Spidey: And the first question is: Who is Ginny's soulmate from now to the end of time?
Stanley: *snirk* Harry Potter, of course. She loves him. He's handsome and brave and I know everything about him! I know how he folds his underwear and how he scratches his nose when nervous and how he lusts after-
Draco: Too much information!
Spidey: XX, your answer pleace.
XX: Draco!
Goblet of Fire: ChaCHING!
Harry: My capslock!
Spidey: No, you see I, the typer, was using the SHIFT key, not the Caps Lock button.
Harry: Gosh darn it!
Spidey: And the point goes to-drumroll please-XX!
pinksunryse:*opens door*Bloody hell, I have no clue what's going on!
Draco: Oh goodie another fangirl to ooglie my goodies
pinksunryse:*ignores* Well hello everyone! I decided I wanted to stop by and grace you with my presence. And I have also decided I will be probabbly the only person to ooglie Ginny's goodies becuase she needs someone too. *ooglies her goodies* heh.
Nikita: Uhh, you fancy girls?
pinksunryse: Heavens no! I like boys but I feel bad for Ginny, everyone always checks out Draco's yummy-I mean nice arse.
Ginny:I don't need your chairty oogling
Draco: Yes she does, we need some girl/girl action here
pinksunryse&Ginny: *glare*
XX: pinksunryse, you really have no clue waht's going on do you?
pinksunryse: *sigh* well, I can't fool you. Please enlighten me.
Spidey: No time for enlightment now! Just hang around a bit - you'll pick it up! We've got a debate to finish! *returns to end of her own last post* Ha! . . . I mean, I'm impartial . . . yes . . .
Stanley: Don't be ridiculous! You're a F Fire Ship or whatever you were going on about a moment ago.
F&Iers (aka F Fire Shippers, evidently): BLASPHEMY!!
Depth: Well, he HAS got a point. Although a hundred thousand Stanleys could never convince us that D/G isn't THE SHI - er - THE BEST!!!! ship there is!
F&Iers: Here here!
XX: *waves tiny Tristy/Hayden flag*
Depth: *pleading look*
XX: You're right. Without D/G there would be no T/H *replaces T/H flag with D/G flag*
F&Iers and Draco: YAY!
Fey: So, Depth, who're we bringing in to help Mr. Pubescence make his case?
Nikita: *mumble* John Stamos *mumble*
lilli: As Official Fangirl I think I should be allowed to choose since I can spot any devoted fan from a mile away.
Bunny: *in sales person voice* On a good day, two miles!
Snape: *facepalm*
Tess: *Mischievous face* Well, there IS a H/Ger and canon accepter among us who might, out of the goodness of her heart, be willing to help Stanley out . . .
Diana: Sevvie, you wouldn't!!!
Snape: *shifty look* What're you talking about??
Bunny: Snape's a Harry/anybody shipper? Completely wild!
Depth: Understanding is the first step toward acceptance and only with acceptance can there be healing.
All those who have read GoF (everyone): Dumbledore . . . may he live to be a thousand!
Harry: Well, in SOME fics . . .
Tess: We seem to have got a bit off topic . . .
WEers: Mmmmm . . . WE . . .
Tess: Look, that's flattering, but there are more important things.
XX: WHAT??
Tess: Off hand, I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure they exist . . . *ponders and is suddenly walloped by her little sister*
Tess: Where'd YOU come from???
Little Sister: Keep that large ego of yours under control!! *exits in dramatic storm of tears*
Tess: *is a bit ashamed and more than a bit annoyed* Barking!
lilli: So . . . who was the person you were thinking of to help Stanley?
Stanley: Yeah, feeling a little forgotten over here.
Ginny: How do you think WE feel? This is supposed to be OUR anniversary party!
WEers: Mmmm . . . WE . . .
Ginny:
Tess: I was GOING to say -
XX: Erm, Tess, I could REALLY use your help with this - er - flat tire . . .
Tess: *confusedly, as she is dragged away* But . . . the ice cream truck's gone, XX . . .
*They disappear into a dune of rocky road*
Bunny: Guess we'll just have to carry on without them, then.
Spidey: *who is consuming a hill of German Chocolate Cake* What? Oh, right! *withdraws wad of parchment from pocket* Right, question two! If Harry and Draco were dangling from their brooms miles above the pitch and Ginny had time to catch one of them, which would she catch? Stanley?
Stanley: Why would she give a deck of Magic, The Gathering Cards what happened to that Malfoy git? *he laughs at his own (lack of) humor and chokes, hocking a mungo loogie*
Everyone: EWWW! Bloody adolescent boys! *jump backwards*
Draco: And I thought YOU lot were vile *he indicates the F&Iers*
Ginny: They're sweet, Draco! And they're not adolescent boys, which is definitely a plus. *to self* Had too many of those go through the house already! *glances at Hayden, Caius and Damian*
Hayden: Hey, none of us were asmatic or covered in quite that many spots!
Spidey: Well, I think we know who the point ISN'T going to - dis-bloody-gusting!!! And the response from - hey, where'd XX and Tess disappear to?
*In secluded dune some feet away*
XX: No, Tess! You can't! It will ruin me here on F&I!! Would you do that to me? You're faithful beta and the person who brought you to the very bosom of D/G!?!?!? It's inhuman!!!
Tess: *gently* Hun, you've mentioned it off-handedly before. Anyway, they all love you for who you are. It's time you came clean.
XX: *sobbing on Tess's shoulder* But - but I'm not ready!
Tess: Beloved beta, they need you! The shippers - they need you out there sabotaging Stanley, the most disgusting thing that has ever appeared on this thread. Look, it's okay to ship more than one ship. Hell, I LOFF Hermione/Blaise and you know how deeply I similarly worship Ron/Mione! It's okay that you think Harry/Ginny is cool. Everyone will understand.
XX: *wiping her nose on Tess's sleeve* I didn't know you liked Blaise/Mione.
Tess: *gently* That's right. And think - there are plenty of excellent fics where Ginny and Harry date for a bit before breaking up and shipping up with characters like - oh, I don't know - Draco and female!Blaise, respectively.
XX: *watery smile* Okay - I'll do it!
Tess: *huggles* 'Ata girl! I knew F&I could count on you! You'll be great! Just PRETEND to be on Stanley's side for a short time and make sure to make his arguments look as bad as possible! He is, after all, an overly emotional adolescent twerp! And you're a lovely, intelligent girl. You're more than a match for that git!
*They emerge from the dune*
Spidey: Bout bloody time - it's XX's turn to answer the question. *she repeats it* Well, XX?
XX: Were I not about to offer what I am, I would say that Ginny would hesitate because of her sisterly love for Harry. Then she would remember that Ron and Hermione always have Harry's back and would save Draco.
F&Iers: Yay!
Spidey: An extra point for the most convincing AND creative answer!
Stanley: Bugger!
XX: Having said that, I will be joining Stanley's team.
F&Iers: . . . the hell????
XX: Well, he needs someone who believes in canon AND fanon and I - I -
Tess: *places a hand on her arm* It's okay, hun. Everyone supports you. We love you, don't we, guys??
F&Iers: *confused but willing to deal* Of course! *huggle XX*
XX: I love you guys, too. The thing is . . . as you know I ship R/H because it's canon, but I also . . . I also ship Ginny/Harry - sometimes.
*Moment of silence*
Diana: Is that all?
XX: Wha-what?
Fey: I mean, really! I think most of us here ship contradictory ships. That's what inter-ship unity is all about, man!
XX: *lip trembles in relief*
*Everyone crouds around and huggles her again*
Spidey: So, we have a brave volunteer to help old Stan here make his argument. Way to take one for the team!
El Dunque: *randomly appears* Te amo, XX (pronounced "Equis-Equis")! Te amo!
XX: Mi heroe! *bravely steps up beside Stanley, who goggles at her*
Caius: Hey, watch it!
XX's Daddy: *from a long way off* Yeah, watch it, boy!
Spidey: Are we set? Okay, who's taking XX's spot on our team?
Tess: There's only one choice, isn't there? *gestures*
Everyone: *turns to look*
Depth: *stares back at everyone* What? Me? An authority figure?? I'm a WISE OLD SAGE, not a politician!!
Harry: I suppose you used the shift key as well, Tess??
Tess: *smugly* Silly Harry! Capslocks are for Potters!
Bunny: She's right, Depth. You're sage-like, peaceful, and brimming with wisdomosity and shipperness. You're just the lovely chica for the job.
XX and Tess: Hey, una otra chica espanola!
Depth: But - but I could never fight XX . . .
Tess: *in undertone* We've got a plan - go with it, trust me!
Depth: *hesitates* Okay . . . *slowly takes seat at other site of debate table thing amidst mad cheers*
Spidey: Right! Excellent! On to the next question, which is . . .
Harry: WAIT WAIT WAIT!
Everyone: Stops and stares...
Nikita: Not another interruption....
Harry: This competition is supposed to determine who MY biggest fan is! ME!
Tess: Um... and your point is...?
Harry: ALL THESE QUESTIONS HAVE HAD SOME RELATIONSHIP TO DRACO OR GINNY OR D/G!
Spidey: Omg! He defintely just used fandom terminology!
Bunny: Woah Harry... don't go all OotP on us or anything!
Harry: ::ignores:: HOW ARE YOU GONG TO FIND MY NUMBER ONE FAN IF ALL YOU ASK ARE QUESTIONS ABOUT DRACO AND GINNY?
Shalei: Favoritism... I mean WHAT?
XX: You know, he does have a point...
Depth: But I'm not trying to be Harry's number one fan! :: panicked look:
Tess: :: pats Depth's shoulder:: Delusional little Harry has gotten it wrong. The competition is also to see who knows the most about the series.
Harry: THEN THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE THE THING YOU CALL FANDOM?
Ginny: Oh Harry! Of course it does. Really, our... er... world is so popular it has its own following we're people make up stories about our lives so of course your most devotedfan would have to know something about this fanon thing.
Draco: That's my wife. Always the brain.
Harry: ::defeated:: grumblegrumblegrumble....
Spidey: Jeez, what is with the drama? Everytime we're about to ask a question... ::gets look from Tess:: Okay okay. The next question is...
Tess: If Harry were to become an animungus, what would his animal form be?
Stanley: Animungus? *snirkle* What's an animungus?
Tess: Yeah, well what's a snirkle? Huh? Huh?!?!
Bunny: Er, I can't spell! *sobs*
Fey: There, there.
Goblet of Fire: ChaCHING!
Spidey: *reads paper* Since Stanley correctly guessed that animungus was not a word, the point goes to his team!
Depth: But I didn't get to guess! *sobs* And he has two people on his team, and I only have ONE!
Spidey: I would be on your team except me and Tess are answering the questions.
Draco: It's Tess and I.
Spidey: Uh, no, you are definitely not asking questions.
lilli: I think he was correcting your grammar.
Spidey: Yeah, well, who cares about grammar?
Tess: Anyways, new question!
Spidey: In canon, which object is Harry more fond of? The Dursley toaster or the Dursley ironing board?
Stanley: *rings in* THE ANSWER IS NEITHER!!!!
Bunny: ENHHH! WROOONG!
Depth: *rings in* THE DURSLEY IRONING BOARD!!!!!!
Goblet of Fire: ChaCHING!
Spidey: The paper says that Depth is right, but she can earn an extra bonus point if she tells us why!
Depth: Harry loves it because he can stand on it while wearing nothing but his Strawberry Shortcake boxers and pretend that he's surfing!!!
Harry: HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT?!
Goblet of Fire: ChaCHING!
Tess: Another point to our team, w00t!
XX: I OBJECT!!!
Spidey: Hey, that's my job!!!
XX: She didn't answer in the form of a question!
lilli: *sob* I still don't understand why you've betrayed us, XX!
Nikita: You made up that rule! We never said the answers had to be in the form of a question!
XX: IT'S OBVIOUS QUESTION-AND-ANSWER ETIQUETTE!!!!!!
Harry: A POINT SHOULD BE DEDUCTED FROM STANLEY'S TEAM FOR THE OVERUSE OF MY CAPS LOCK!!!!!!
Goblet of Fire: ChaCHING!
Bunny: The paper says, and I quote, "Go screw yourself, Harry Potter."
Harry: *sniffle*
XX: I THINK WE SHOULD ASK THE GOBLET OF FIRE TO DEDUCT POINTS FROM THEIR TEAM FOR NOT ANSWERING IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION!!!
Fey: SHUT UP!!! I know how to resolve this! Round One is NOW OVER!!! No more questions and no more answers for us to fight over!
Depth: Yay, peace!
Nikita: What's Round Two gonna include, Fey?
Fey: Round Two will be...
