Anniversary Party II: Don't you know we NEVER leave?
Spidey: ...Wow. I PROTES--
Tess: Spidey! Remember what I said! *glare* Be nice to our moderator!
Spidey: *sigh* Fine. Goblet of Fire... We've been through some good times together. I mean, there was much laughter, especially when you told Harry to go screw himself. *chuckles* And then there was the time I yelled at you and said you'd timed something wrong... *sigh* Sorry about that. But we got through those times... *puts hand on Goblet of Fire* I'm sorry, Goblet of Fire. I just can't do this anymore. It's not you, it's me. I'm not worthy of you. *tear* I hope we can forget about this and continue working in this competition in a professional way.
Tess: Whoa, you didn't have to be nice to the point of delusion...
Goblet of Fire: ... Screw you, Spidey. SCREW YOU!!! I GAVE UP SO MUCH FOR YOU!!!!!! Goodbye, and I hope I never see you again! *disappears*
Spidey: Um... Whoops.
XX: Oh, no! We lost our judge! Good job, Spidey!
Spidey: *wibble* I tried my best...
Nikita: What are we going to do now?!
Depth: Peace, peace! We can figure out a solution! Right, Fey?
Fey: Right! I am the Official Sorter-Outer, after all!
Nikita: What do you suggest, Fey?
Fey: Well, we need someone intelligent...
Snape: *smirk* Sounds like I'd be perfect for the job...
Fey: ...impartial...
Snape: Bollocks.
Fey: ...someone who's not already on one of the teams...
lilli: Whom could that be???
Tess: Obviously it's going to have to be either a canon character or one of the PHBs! I nominate my baby, Hayden!
XX: YES, HAYDEN, PERFECT!
Stanley: That's not fair! Tess created him, so he'd obviously be a partial judge!
Tess: *pout* I created him to be perfect in every way... He wouldn't be unfair...
Fey: Hey, I'm the Official Sorter-Outer here! I will get to choose! And I shall choose...Danica.
Danica: What? M-me?
Fey: *nods sagely*
Danica: Woo-hoo! I get to do something! *pushes away her 1,000,309th game of Solitaire*
Blaise: *grumblegrumble I don't get to do anything either grumblegrumble*
Spidey: Yeah, well, you're weird, Blaise. You need to just pick a gender and go with it.
Stanley: Actually, Rowling announced forever ago that Blaise is a male! Gosh, and you call yourselves fans...
Spidey: Duh, of course we knew that! But many are obstinate in the fanon world, and they like to keep Blaise as a girl, while others revel in the fact that they were right or just accept that they were wrong and decide to make Blaise a boy. Therefore he is still both.
Stanley: How does that make any sense?!
Shalei: Because the fandom controls everything, of course!
Stanley: You people are delusional. Blaise has no characterization yet and we won't know anything about him until Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince! *waves his arm in Blaise's direction* This guy is nothing more than a figment of your imaginations!
Blaise: HEY!
XX: *scoffs* I already know plenty about canon!Blaise...
Stanley: Pfft, yeah right, Ms. Unforgettable. How is that possible?
XX: Well... There's the fact that I can read J.K. Rowling's mind...
Everyone: 
Natalie: Are you for real, XX?!
XX: Why would I lie about something like that?
Tess: How come you never told us before?!
XX: Ummm... *shrugs* I dunno.
Stanley: SHE'S LYING!!!!!! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS MIND READERS!!!!!!!!!
XX: There is, too! And I can see into the future, too!
Stanley: HA, YEAH RIGHT!!!!! PROVE IT!!!!!!!!
XX: Well, for one thing, I can see into your future to see that you're going to die poor, ugly, and alone!
Stanley: Ha, that proves it! You are NOT a fortuneteller, because I'm going to grow up to be rich, handsome, and famous!
Everyone: *bursts out laughing*
Stanley: Hey, why is everyone laughing at that?!
Nikita: HIM... H-handsome and famous, hahahhaha...
Danica: Hahahaha, man, that's great... *wipes tears away* But you guys, we have to get back to Round Four!
Depth: *grabs her side* Phew, oh, man, that was a great one, Stanley. Thanks for the laugh. But Danica is correct... We must get back to Pictionary.
Stanley: You allll will see... *glare* But yes, let's get back to the competition. It's my turn anyway.
Spidey: *giggle* Y-yeah, it's your turn, Mr. Handsome. *breaks down again*
Tess: Well, Spidey's indisposed now... *takes clue cards from Spidey and hands them to Danica*
Danica: Squee, I can feel the power surging through me...
Stanley: *winks disgustingly at Danica in an attempt to be charming* You can show the card to Snape now, baby. But, uh... *whisper* If you make it an easy clue, then I promise you a grand time in the future. *tries to smile handsomely, but fails*
Danica: *is torn between hysterical laughter and total disgust* Haha, EW. *takes out the hardest clue ever and shows the card to Snape*
Snape: What?! I don't even know what that is, you stupid girl!
Danica: You can't call me stupid--I'm the judge! *bops Snape on the head*
Snape and Stanley: *glare*
Danica: Well, what are you waiting for? GET TO DRAWING!!! *smiles smugly and revels in the fact that she's getting revenge on her least favorite professor*
Stanley: *mumblemumble it's not like you even exist in the real Harry Potter universe mumblemumble*
Danica, Ginny, and F&Iers: *glare*
Snape: *begins to draw*
A Few Minutes Later...
Drawing Board: *is filled with a masterpiece painting of a bunny rabbit in a meadow*
Stanley: BUNNY! RABBIT! MEADOW!
XX: Oh, c'mon, those guesses are pathetic! It's got to be Harry Potter related, remember?
Stanley: A SPELL THAT TURNS PEOPLE INTO BUNNIES! A NIFFLER! HOGWARTS! CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES! HAGRID!
Danica: *holds up an egg timer* You've got five seconds left.
Stanley: UM, UM, UM, UM, UM...
Egg Timer: *goes off*
Stanley: NOOOO!!!!!!
F&Iers: OMG, YOU SUCK, IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT THE CLUE WAS!!!!!!!
Stanley: *scoffs* Yeah right! What was it, then?
F&Iers: PLOT BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stanley: Wtf?! What is that?!
F&Iers: *turn to XX*
XX: *ahem* To many fanfiction writers, a plot bunny can either be good or bad. It can be evil or a blessing. A plot bunny is an idea that jumps right out at you and hits you in the face, wanting you to write it. Why it’s called a plot bunny is left for you to decide.
Stanley: I PROTEST THAT! That's not Harry Potter related in any way at all! That's fanfiction related!
Spidey: Hey, that's my job! And besides, fanfiction is a big part of the Harry Potter fandom, and so are plot bunnies, so obviously it is Harry Potter related!
Danica: She's right. And I'm the judge, so I say that it's Harry Potter related. Therefore your team loses 300,000 points.
Stanley: What?! How?!
Danica: The Goblet of Fire gave them 1,000 points for each second they worked on the clue until they got it, so obviously I should take away 1,000 points for each second you worked on the clue until you didn't get it!
Stanley: *grumblegrumble stupid, crazy fangirls grumblegrumble*
Depth: It's our turn again!!! Let me see the card, Danica!
Danica: *shows Depth the clue*
Depth: *begins to draw*
*Meanwhile, at Malfoy Mansion . . . *
Bunny: *backed up against wall* YOU'RE NOT John Stamos!!!! How - how can it be?
Mysterious person who is NOT John Stamos: You F&Iers are so gullible . . . and to think, I've been with you almost all along. No sudden moves now, Potter.
Harry: Crap *adopts look of boy hero extraordinaire, which he is*. You'll never get away with this!
Mysterious person who is NOT John Stamos: Why not? You don't even know what I'm doing, apart from threatening a silly little fangirl . . .
*Back in the dessert*
Spidey: My Spidey Sense is tingling . . .
lilli: My fan-has-just-been-dissed sense is tingling . . .
Tess: My Almighty Shipper Antithesis sense is tingling . . .
XX: My that was not really John Stamos sense is tingling . . .
Ginny: I . . . I think we need to get back to the mansion . . .
Draco: *can be heard from loooooong way off* Oh, no! My MANSION!!!!! What if something happened to it?????
Everyone: 
Depth: We're only missing one thing - a way OUT OF THIS dessert!!
Tess: *grin* Fey, Solver of Problems?
Fey: *hefts towel importantly and nods sagely to Tess* Everyone, remember: DON'T PANIC! whilst I solve this latest dilemma!
Fey: Tess, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Tess: I think so, Fey, but what IS the airspeed volocity of an unladen swallow?
XX: Tess, we've talked about your inability to spell . . .
Tess: *sob* I know, it was so much better when we were talking every day!!!
Fey: No, no! Tess, keep it together!
Depth: And stop randomly referencing Monty Python - only so many people are aware of their genius!
Tess: *wibbles*
Nikita: Oh, there there! *huggles*
Depth and Fey: We loff you, too! *huggles and excited glompage*
Fey: So, Tess wasn't thinking what I was thinking . . . never mind! Here's the plan . . . lilli, you can fangirl anyone, right?
lilli: Within reason *winces in Stanley's direction*
Depth: *cottons on* Of course, it's so simple - so perfect - quick, lilli, fangirl Arnold Schwarzenegger!!
Nikita: What???
XX: Oh, I see! See, Nikita, Schwarzenegger is the only person strong enough to carry us home!
Spidey: What about Andre the Giant from Princess Bride?
Tess: He passed away a while ago *goes down on knees and bursts into tears* God bless you, Andre - god bless you!!!
Depth: *gently* No, Tess, don't lose it now! We need you.
Stanley: *with same contempt* We do?
XX: *biffs Stanley*
Depth: *half-heartedly* Pace . . . Peace
Tess: *sniggers* Pacemaker . . .
Fey: Ahem! lilli, summon Schwarzenegger!!
Our friends at Malfoy Manor need us!
lilli: *somberly* Of course! *clears throat* Oy, Schwarzenegger!
Pink: THAT'S how she summons her fangirl-ees?
Spidey: *Shrugs*
Everyone: *waits*
Crickets: *chirp*
Fey: Well, lilli?
lilli: *panicked* It's not working!!!
Nikita: Never mind . . . what's another mode of transport we can use?
Tess and Fey: A Vogan constructor ship . . .
Everyone else: 
Fey: They're right, Tess. Too risky. The Vogans might fry us . . .
Tess: Huh . . . *pauses* Wait, I know! *pulls out comm badge* Pooh to Enterprise.
Voice: This is Enterprise.
Tess: Twenty . . . erm, thirty to . . . oh, hell's biscuits! Beam everyone within twenty feet of me directly to Malfoy Mansion.
Voice: Acknowledged, Tess. Enterprise out.
Fey: Hey! I'm the Official Problem Solver!
Tess: Sorry, but Harry, Bunny, and Draco are in trouble.
Fey: *grudgingly* I suppose . . .
*As everyone is beamed up and away from the dessert, Fey can be heard muttering*
Fey: *muttering* Nobody likes a nerd . . .
*Everyone rematerializes at Malfoy Manor on front porch*
Front Porch: *breaks under strain*
Everyone: *falls through*
Ginny: Owww . . . at least five fangirls are on me . . . and based on J.K.'s description in book five I am not large . . .
Depth, Fey, Caius, Hayden, and Snape: *scramble to get off Ginny*
Diana: *giggle* Caius, Snape, and Hayden are "Ginny's Fangirls"
Caius: *indignantly* Well, we ARE her sons . . . except Snape . . .
Ginny and Snape: Thank Merlin!
Hayden: Anyway, we're her sons which makes us fanboys, you prat!
Ginny: Stop fighting, boys, or it's straight to your rooms!
Hayden and Caius: *sulking* Yes, mum.
Depth: Quickly! We must save Harry and Co!!! The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Everyone who is Zen: Ahhhh . . .
Everyone who isn't: . . . wtf?
Everyone total: *uses rope ladder constructed from Tess and XX's collective nose hair to escape*
Blaise: My beautious hands will never be clean . . .
XX and Tess: *rubbing their red noses* How do you think WE feel?
Stanley: *snorts in disgusting manner that suggests he's about to hock a huge loogie* I thought it was cool . . .
Danica: You would . . .
Everyone: *climbs through window since front door is unreachable*
Mysterious Person who isn't John Stamos: *waggles wand threateningly at Bunny* Don't move!
F&Iers: BUNNY!
Bunny: Run! Save yourselves! Save the PHBs!
Ginny: *glares* Draco, you big baby, why are you huddling in a corner?
Draco: Because Tess obviously thinks I need to be more in character!
Tess: And HOW!
XX: Well, at least Harry's doing something productive.
Harry: *waves his wand at Mysterious Person who isn't John Stamos*
Spidey: So, Mysterious Person who isn't John Stamos . . . if you're indeed not John Stamos, who are you?
Fey: And you'd better be someone interesting since we all worked so hard to get here to rescue Bunny!
Draco: A-HEM!
Fey: Er, yes, him too *to self* Because he's necessary to the ship.
Mysterious Person who isn't John Stamos: Very well - if you must know . . . *pulls off mask*
Everyone: *gasps!*
Depth: Wow, that's . . . no way!
lilli: Explains why he didn't come in response to my fangirl summons . . . he was previously engaged . . .
Pink: So . . . nice to see you . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger!
XX's Violin: Du na NA!
*Suddenly a loud and strange noise fills the air and someone craashes through the ceiling*
Shippers: *coughcough because of all the dust*
Draco: MY HOOOOOOOOOUSE!!!!!!!!
Harry: MY CAPSL-Oof *Nikita knocks him unconscious*
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Huh neh pooh!?! Wha are yuh doin' hehre!?
Shippers: *Strains to look to see who's under the pile of rubble*
Erika: GILDEROY LOCKHART!?!?!
Gilderoy: I'M HERE TO THE RESCUE!
Harry: ::is slowly regaining consciousness:: Ugh... my head... ::looks up and sees Lockhart:: ::screams like a little girl:: Not himmmm! Anyone but him!!!! ::runs away crying::
Gilderoy: ::is puzzled:: Hmmm... just must've been my good looks!
Everyone: ::groans::
Pinky: I'm so confused!
Spidey: I protest this! I thought- but- WHAT ABOUT THE COMPETITION?
Fey: We can continue it after this is settled.
Spidey: I PROTEST! We should continue the competition NOW!
Fey: Calm down, hun.
Spidey: I don't even like Arnold Schawnzernasdfg- however you spell his stupid last name! And Gilderoy Lockhart having a relationship with him? EWWWW! Gilderoy/Mirror is obviously a superior pairing!
Depth: IT IS NOT! *waves Gilderoy/Shampoo banner*
Tess: You're all missing the point! Who cares about Gilderoy Lockhart? It is obvious that Arnold Schwarzenegger belongs with a giant teddy bear! *waves Arnold/Teddy Bear banner*
Spidey: I PROTEST! Arnold/Rubber Ducky=OTP!
Tess: Arnold/Teddy Bear is better!
Spidey: You're wrong!
Tess: No, you're wrong!
Depth: Peace! You two just obviously do not accept the beauty of Arnold/Loaf of bread.
Draco: UH, wtf is going on?
Spidey: All of you are in denial!
Fey: Yeah! It ain't just a river in Egypt, you know! Spidey is right. Arnold/Rubber Ducky is the Best Ship EVAH!
Spidey: Except for D/G.
Fey: Yeah.
Darko: *strolls in*
Gilderoy and Ahh-nold: *snogsnogsnogsnog*
Draco: THE WORLD IS ENDING! THE WORLD IS ENDING! Where's my darling Ginny, I must bid her my farewells!
Danica: *runs to calm her father down*
All other F&Iers: *climbing ladder that looks suspiciously like nosehair to do something*
Spidey&Fey: *talking about the marvelousness of Arnold/Rubber Duckey ship*
Harry: *peaks back in* OHMIGAH MY CAPSLOCKS ARE BACK! LOCKHART AND A BULKY REPUBLICAN??? &^*%($?? THIS MEANS DOOM! DOOM, I SAY, DOOM! VOLDEMORT WILL DIE!
Everyone else: *stops their convos/snogging/crying and stares at Harry*
Darko: *strolls out*
Spidey: *grabs Darko* Ohhh no! You're not getting out of here that easily!
Tess: Yesss, you will be sucked into the MADNESS before long!
Darko: *wibble*
Gilderoy: *looks at himself in a mirror* You're a SEXY beast, yes you are!
Harry: Can't argue with that!
Everyone: ?!?!?!
Harry: Um, I mean, AHHHH, GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!
Depth: GOSH, he's gay!
XX: *elbows Depth*
Depth: OW!
Arnold: Iahmstreinveinslauchmencheinerdervendeim!
lilli: WHAT?!
Nikita: What the heck did he just say?!
Bunny: Why was I ever scared of him?! The man can't even talk!
Tess: But he was talking fine earlier...
lilli: *cries* I don't fangirl you anymore, Arnold Schwarzenegger! You're just a crazy governor who used to be a bad actor who used to be a weightlifter who's lost almost all of his muscles!
Arnold: STREINSINGLOMMERHOOBERNITEINVEIN! VOLDIE!!!!
Voldemort: *appears out of nowhere and is about to run over lilli*
Tess: *in slow motion* Noooooooo, Vooooool-diiiiiiiie!!! Dooooooooon't!!!!
Voldemort: But... But... Arnold... He said...to...but...Tess...don't...not...the...ice cream...lilli...Yankees...Barney... *head explodes*
Arnold/Voldemort Shippers: *sob* Noooo, there's no more hope for our ship!
Harry: AGH, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT FOR YEARS!!!
XX: You just don't have the special shipping powers that we have.
Arnold: SINDERHEIMENTIMEN!
Fey: Oh, SHUT UP! *uses her Sorter-Outer wand to tape Arnold's mouth shut*
Another Part of the Roof: *caves in as someone falls through*
Draco: *sob* My beautiful house...
Everyone: OMFG, IT'S--
Everyone: OMFG, IT'S SPIDEY!
Tess: Uh, Spidey, how can you crash through a roof when you were just standing right next to me?
Spidey: I'm just special like that.
Darko: Please, please let me leave now! I'll do anything! Please!
Depth: Puh-lease! You aren't getting out of here THAT easily.
Sidiqa: No, for we must first eat your brains! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAH!
Spidey: I protest that!
Draco: Uh, WTF? Who's going to be fixing my house?
Spidey: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! Brain flash! Brain flash!
Everyone: 
Spidey: I just had a Vision!
Tess: OMG, she's phsycic!
XX: Cool! I want to be phsycic!
Fey: What did your Vision tell, Spidey?
Spidey: So, in my Vision, all the hot, sexy, male canon characters and the hot, sexy male PHBs-
Tristy: Hayden? Hot and sexy? HAHAHAHAH!
Hayden: I'll have you know that I am very sexy.
Spidey: Hello! Back to my Vision! So, all the hot sexy aforementioned characters took off their shirts, started fixing the house, and sung that song the dwarves sing in Snow White! You know, Hi Ho! Hi ho! It's off to work we go!
lilli: I LOVE that song.
Spidey: And since it's a vision, it has to come true. Right?
Depth: Yeah! Start taking off your shirts, hot, sexy, male characters!
Plum: No! Hayden don't you dare take off your clothes! *Shields eyes from view.
Hayden: Why not...? Depth wants to see me naked.
XX: Can we please keep this Rated PG?
Plum: Oh! Speaking of ratings, I heard this joke from this one kid. What type of movie did the pirate watch?
Everyone: *Shrugs in puzzlement.
Plum: a Rated ARRRR!!! LOL GET IT? *Rolls around on the floor laughing uncontrobllably.
Draco: I don't get it...what's a pirate?
Spidey: Anyways, in my vision I saw-
*Ding Dong!
*Spidey glares at the door in frustration. Tristy heads over to go get it while Harry is busy drooling at Gilderoy.
Doorbell: *ding dong ding dong*
Tristy: All right, already, I'm coming! *opens the door*
No One: *is there*
Tristy: *steps out to get a better view* *falls down into the broken porch*
Hayden: NOOOOOOO, MY LOOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
WEers: SQUEEE, HE LOOOOOOVES HER!!!!!! *wave a multitude of Hayden/Tristy flags*
Tess: *slaps Hayden* YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO CONFESS YOUR LOVE FOR HER UNTIL THE LAST CHAPTER!
WEers: *GASP* SPOILER, SPOILER, SPOILER!!!!!
Tess: No, no, shut up! We've got to save Tristy or there will be no last chapter!
WEers: What?! No last chapter?! WHY NOT?! *sob*
Tess: No, I said-- Ugh, fine, screw you guys! I'll save Tristy myself! *looks for a rope to climb down into the broken porch with*
Hayden: TRISTYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! *jumps down into the broken porch*
Tess: You moron, what are you doing?! Now I've got to save the BOTH of you!
Harry: TRISTYYYY, MY ONLY DAUGHTERRRRR! *jumps down into the broken porch*
Tess: AGH, STOP IT!
Harry: *from the broken porch hole* MY CAPS LOCK!!
XX: HARRY, I'LL SAVE YOU! HAYDEN, YOU SEXY BEAST, I'LL SAVE YOU TOO AND HELP YOU RIP YOUR SHIRT OFF! AND THEN SNOG YOU! AND THEN HELP YOU GET TOGETHER WITH TRISTY!!! *jumps down into the broken porch*
lilli: THIS IS MADNESS, I TELL YOU! MADNESS!!!! *jumps down into the broken porch*
Tess: That's it! *shouts into the hole* Screw you guys! I'm not saving anyone now! You think I can carry all five of you?!
Spidey: What'll we do?! They're trapped down there!
Nikita: Wait, but didn't we get out just fine when we fell down there to--? *is tossed into the hole by Spidey*
Spidey: Don't QUESTION things in the fandom, Nikita! I protest that!
Tess: *turns to Fey* Are you gonna do something about this, Fey, Official Sorter-Outer?
Fey: Ummm... Fangirl Draco and try to coax his shirt off of him!
Spidey: Sounds like a plan to me! *drool*
Draco: *smirk* Well, if it's what the ladies want...
Ginny: *smack* Don't even, Draco! We've got to save everyone!
Draco: Hmph, those stupid fangirls can stay there forever for all I care.
Ginny: HAYDEN'S DOWN THERE TOO!!!!!
Caius: *sniff* If only I had such attention from my mother... *light bulb* I know! *runs over to the edge of the hole* MOM, LOOK, OH NO, I THINK I'M GOING TO FAAAAAAAALL--*jumps into the hole*
Ginny: *doesn't care*
Inside the Hole...
Caius: *sniff* My mother hates me... XX, comfort me!
XX: Ew, no, get away from me! *tries to get Hayden to take his shirt off*
lilli: *gasp* YOU GUYS, I JUST REALIZED!
Harry: MY CAPS LOCK!
lilli: *elbows Harry's head and knocks him unconscious* There are like seven of us down here... WE COULD START OUR OWN CIVILIZATION! LIKE ON LOST!!!
Tristy: What's that?
Depth: *has just jumped into the hole* DID SOMEBODY SAY LOST?!
Back in Draco and Ginny's House...
Bunny: No, we lost our Wise Old Sage!
Plum: Yes, but we have Draco!
Bunny: Good point. But we're also stuck with a mute Arnold and a crazy, egotistical Gilderoy.
Plum: Also a good point.
Tess: *sniff* I miss my babies... I KNOW!!!! *jumps into the hole*
Back in the Hole...
Tess: MY BABIES! *huggles Tristy and Hayden*
lilli: Squee, there are so many of us down here! This is so cool! We need to elect a chief for our village!
Caius: What village?!
lilli: *elbows Caius's head and knocks him unconscious* I NOMINATE--
lilli: *elbows Caius's head and knocks him unconscious* I NOMINATE-- NIKITA!
XX: Why her?
Nikita: HEY!
lilli: Welll I was going to nominate you. But you are a yankees fan and you never know what kind of crazy thing you could do as leader!
Depth: I second it!!
Tess: Why?
Depth: Agreeing is peaceful
Tess: Pace *snicker*
lilli: Okay XX You are vice leader! Because I killed you a couple times... and you have gread leader skills *cough*
Caius: *wakes up* Hey who made you in charge lilli
Depth: If you shut up, she may fangirl you!
lilli: Okay and Depth you are the wise man.... eh wise women!
Tristy: Why do we need a wise women....
lilli: ALL CIVILIZATIONS HAVE WISE WOMEN DUH!
Harry: MY CAPSLOCK!!
lilli: *is oblivious* Even LOST has a wise man!
Depth: Shouldn't we try to find a way out?
lilli: *gasp* Depth How could you? This is my dream, do you understand my dream! *sobs*
Nikita: She just had a little too much hot chocolate she will be okay!
Spidey: Hot chocolate?!?!?!? *jumps down hole*
Hayden: Not another one!
ABOVE:
D/G: *are enjoying some quality time together without so many shippers around*
Bunny: *cheers and waves huuuge D/G sign*
BELOW:
lilli: and then we can all be like aaaah there is a giant monser and then..........
Everyone else: Isn't listening except Depth and Nikita who watch LOST ....
Everyone: I'm bored!
XX: I KNOW WHY DON'T WE----
XX: I KNOW WHY DON'T WE----SING?!
Depth: Yay, singing!
XX: *clears throat* ROCK THE RED SOX, THAT'S WHAT WE DOOOOO--
lilli: *attacks XX* WE BEAT YOU GUYS TO A PULP!!!! WE ROCKED YOU GUYS!!
Nikita: *in deep, chiefly voice* CHILDREN!
lilli and XX: *stop fighting, stunned*
Nikita: WE SHALL CREATE A UTOPIA, WHERE THERE SHALL BE NO FIGHTING...
Depth: *cheer*
lilli and XX: *bow their heads in shame*
Nikita: ...THERE SHALL BE AN ABUNDANCE OF FOOD...
Spidey: *cheer*
Nikita: ...AND I SHALL BE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WILL BE ALLOWED TO USE CAPS LOCK, BECAUSE I AM CHIEF AND I SAY SO!
Everyone Except for Harry: *shrugs* Fair enough.
Harry: NOOO, THAT'S MY CAPS LOCK AND ONLY I AM ALLOWED TO USE IT!
Nikita: NO...FIGHTING!!!!! *throws Harry out of the hole*
lilli: *excitedly* See, see?! This is why I nominated her! See how powerful she is?!
XX: *grumblegrumble but I have great leader skills... grumblegrumble*
Above...
Harry: *flies up out of the hole*
Ron: Oy, Harry, you're back, mate!
Draco: *glare*
Bunny: What was it like down there?... o_O
Harry: *shivers* I cannot speak of it... It's...too hideous. *eye twitch* C-caps lock...
Below...
Spidey: I'm hungry!!!! Need...food...
Hayden: You've been down here for three minutes, woman!!
Spidey: *glare*
Tess: Don't glare at my baby!
Hayden: *smirk*
Spidey: *pout* Where's the abundance of food you were talking about, Nikita???
Nikita: Well... You see, when we first left Draco and Ginny's house to follow that treasure map, I multiplied the sine of 28 degrees by the Pythagorean Theorem and divided that by pi times the square root of -61, in conjunction with the binomial distribution of B(10, .3, 5) and in the end I arrived at the following: There is no Santa Claus.
Everyone: Whooooa...
Nikita: Ex-actly. So then it was a simple matter of finding the Z score of the letter x for y=3x+1 and using the normal distribution for 181, and then I realized that at this approximate point in time, give or take a few minutes, all of us would be in this hole, creating our own civilization.
Everyone: Ooooh...
Nikita: So of course I prepared for this situation. *opens up her humongous Mafia-like coat to reveal a large box* Inside this box... *holds box up for everyone to see* ...are the ingredients for a group of less than fifteen people to create their own civilization! It's called...Village-in-a-Box! *turns her head and smiles widely as if there were a camera in front of her* Only $19.99! Available at a Jack-in-the-Box near you!
Everyone: *is in complete awe of Nikita's awesome chiefliness*
Spidey: Spidey hungry! Spidey want food, or Spidey get angry! *starts to turn green*
Nikita: All right, Spidey, here ya go. *opens up large box and suddenly everyone is in a comfortable, homey house bigger than Draco and Ginny's* The fridge is over there, Spidey. *points to the kitchen*
Spidey: *turns back to normal* Squee!!!!
Tess: Hey, wait... We need to come up with a name for our village!
XX: The Yankees Extraordinaire!
Tess: War's End!
Depth: Hobbiton!
lilli: Defenestration!
Spidey: *through a mouthful of turkey* Food-y Goodness!
Nikita: No, the name has to be glorious... Something that no one will forget, but not something too memorable... Something that stands out, yet is almost unnoticeable... Something funny, but not laughable...
Caius: I'VE GOT IT!!!!!!
XX: *elbows Caius's head and knocks him unconscious*
Tristy: How about, um... *looks around her* Um... Ch-Chair...?
Everyone: Ahhh! Brilliant!
Tess: *huggles Tristy* My baby's so smart!
Nikita: Okay, and our village is now called...Ch-Chair!
Tristy: Ummm... O-okay...
Everyone: *cheers and dances happily*
Nikita: Hmm... I have a nagging suspicion that we've forgotten something...
XX: *hiccup* Don't worry about it *hiccup* Nikita! *hiccup* *puts her arm around Nikita's shoulders* We haven't forgotten *hiccup* anything! *hiccup* Goodness, Butterbeer is *hiccup* strong... *faints*
Nikita: Hmm... *shrug* *dances and sings*
Above...
Stanley: *is climbing slowly down the hole* Ohhh, I'll find you, XX... You cannot get away from me so easily... Ohhh no... I shall prove to you that I am Harry's number one fan, and then... *cackles* And then I shall unleash...THE PLAN!!!!!!!!!!!! *laughs crazily because the Maniacal Laughter was finally copyrighted by Sidiqa*
Violin: Dun dun DUN!
Plum: Bunny...I miss everyone!!! *Starts bawling.
Draco: Stupid mug-
Ginny: *Glares at him.
Bunny: There, there you still have us *smiles.
Plum: *Looks at still mute Arnold, Irritated Draco, very depressed Harry and Gilderoy still looking into the mirror. Cries harder.
Bunny: It's not that bad, we can still have our little party.
Plum: That's it! *Grabs Ginny and Bunny to the hole. Move it Stanley! *Kicks him away.
Nikita: What's going on up there?
Plum: We're coming down so get ready! *Drags Ginny and Bunny both down.
Everyone up in the house: *Silence.
Draco: She took my Ginny! That foul imbecile how dare she?!?
*Jumps into the hole.
Ron: *Sigh...Let's go Harry *Drags a still disturbed Harry down the hole.
Harry: c-caps lock....*shivers.
Down below....
Nikita: Wait a sec... *counts in her head* Tristy, Hayden, Harry, Ron, Draco, Plum, Bunny, Ginny, Tess, XX, lilli, Spidey, Depth, Caius, me... *gasp*
XX: *awakens* What is it, Nikita?
Nikita: Th-th-th-th...
lilli: No, it's Ch-Chair, Nikita!
Nikita: NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!
Harry: C-caps lock... *cries*
Nikita: LOOK!!!!! *pulls out box and points to it*
Hayden: *leans over and reads out loud* Kotex Maxi Pads with Wings. EW, GROSS!!!!!!!
Caius: Mommy, what are pads?
Ginny: Shush, Caius. You're too stupid to speak.
Nikita: *blush* *mumblemumble sorry, wrong box mumblemumble* *pulls out Village-in-a-Box* READ!!!!!
Tess: *reads out loud* Warning: Village-in-a-Box is made specifically for civilizations of groups of people of less than fifteen! If fifteen or more persons are contained in Village-in-a-Box at one time, then certain peril will befall all villagers!
Spidey: *spits out her pumpkin juice* WHAT?!?! LEMME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!
lilli: BUT THERE IS NO WAY OUT!!!!!!
Depth: NIKITA, KICK US OUT OF HERE LIKE YOU DID TO HARRY EARLIER!
Nikita: *cries* I can't! That was a miraculous moment of intense strength that I can't bring myself to have again! *sob* WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIE!!!!!!
XX: *turns slowly to Plum, Bunny, Ginny, Draco, Ron, and Harry* YOU GUYS DID THIS! OUR CIVILIZATION WAS PERFECT UNTIL YOU GUYS CAME!!!!! NOW WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!
Harry, Ron, and Draco: *scream like little girls*
Bunny: *sob* I don't wanna die!
Plum: *is oblivious to all that is going on around her* Wow, nice place you guys got here...
Caius: Wahhhh, Mommyyyy... *tries to hug Ginny, who pushes him away* *sniff* XX? *tries to hug XX, who pushes him away* *tear*
Depth: Wait, we've only got to get rid of one person, right? If we can find some way to get rid of just one person, then we're home free!
Nikita: NO, NO, NO... *sob* IT'S IRREVERSIBLE!
Draco: *sob* I knew these dumb fangirls would be the death of me!!!!!!
Tess: Wait, well... Nothing's happened yet, though, right?
Tristy: Yeah, everything seems normal...
A Rumbling: *is heard*
Nikita: *shivers* It's starting...
lilli: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Walls: *start to cave in*
Spikes: *appear along walls*
Heavy Iron Balls: *begin to fall down from the ceiling*
XX: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!!
Violin: Dun dun DUN!
Sirens: *blare*
Tristy: Someone SAVE ME!
Tess: *facepalm* Now is not the time to act all damsel-in-distess-ish, hun! Save that for WE!
Depth: Oooh, is that a SPOILER?
WE Groupies in VIAB: *facepalm*
Cedric: *from above* I'll save you, Tris!
Harry: Don't believe him, love! He's untrustworthy and sinister and . . .
Dorian: *from above* Uncle Harry is completely nutters, I tell ya!
Tristy: I don't care what you say, Tess! I DON'T WANNA DIE!
Cedric: I said, I'll save you, sis.
XX: Oh no you DON'T, CEDRIC POTTER!
Hayden: What she said.
Tristy: WTF? I thought you loved me, prat.
Hayden: I'm the one that's supposed to be all hero-like and save you . . .
Harry: Hey, who's the boy hero around here?
XX: Exactly, Hayden. *pulls out the outline for her thesis on WE* *clears throat* "And sources close to George Steinbrenner say the chances for successful negotiations with Boston's Pedro Martinez are extremely good -" *starts foaming at the mouth*
lilli and Bunny: *GASP*
Depth: That's SCANDALOUSSSSSSSSSS!
Tess: Snap OUT OF IT, XX!
Spidey: *gives XX her rabies shot*
XX: *deep breath* Now here's my thesis on WE. *clears throat* "It is evident that the original characters Hayden Malfoy, Dorian Weasley, and Tristan Potter, are loosely modeled on the canon trio, consisting of Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger."
WE Groupies in VIAB: Ooooooh . . . *applaud*
Tess: I inspired a thesis. *tear*
XX: "The reader can draw obvious parallels between the original characters and the canon characters. For example -"
Draco: Helloooo, woman, we're GOING TO DIE! GET TO THE POINT ALREADY!
As if to illustrate his point:
Spikes: *extend closer and closer to the center of the room, where all the villagers are huddled*
Heavy Iron Balls: *begin to fall even thicker and faster*
Harry: Myyyyyyyy capslock!
Caius: The point IS that Hayden's supposed to save us all.
XX: I was supposed to say that . . . *glare*
Caius: Like in -
Tess: *claps hand over Caius' mouth*
Hayden: Stop giving away ALL MY BEST WE MOMENTS, Caius, you IMBECILE!
Caius: 'S not my fault. I was dropped on my head as a baby.
Ginny: *guilty look*
Plum: You guys...why are there spikes on the wall?
XX: *Scowls at her.
Plum: What?
Lilli: We're going to die!
Plum: What do you mean we're going to die?
Ron: ARE YOU BLOODY BLIND? CAN YOU NOT SEE THE SPIKES AND METAL BALLS FLYING AROUND?
Harry: c-caps lock...*shivers.
Everyone: WE KNOW HARRY, SHUT UP!
Tristy: There's got to be a way to get out of here.
Nikita: *Checks box. A ha!
*Reads something on the box that says....
XX: Oooh, this is like in WE when -
Tess: This is completely unrelated to WE. For someone who wrote such a brilliant thesis, you can really be an idiot.
Spidey: *shakes head* No, I see what XX is talking about. It's like when they had to figure out the -
Nikita: *sigh* Look, y'all, I love WE, too, but I've had enough!
XX: *is filled with rage* WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
Nikita: *wibble*
XX: *has grown fifty times larger than her normal size* YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF WE! I've had more than enough of chemistry, but that's besides the point . . .
Tess: Actually, I've just about gotten to the final -
XX: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! *stamps her feet*
Villagers: *are propelled back to ground level (i.e., above the porch) by the force of XX's anger*
VIAB: *is destroyed*
lilli: My civilization . . . *sob*
Plummie: There, there . . .
Tristy: W00t! We're saved!
Various F&I-ersZ: *hug their comrades and fangirl Draco*
Hayden: But I didn't get to do anything . . . *goes off into a corner to cry*
Stanley: Now The Plan may re-commence . . . *laughs crazily*
Spidey: I PROTEST THAT!
Sidiqa: Yeah, that's my -
Stanley: *flatly* It said "crazily."
Spidey: Damn.
Danica: I guess that means the games must begin again.
Caius: Wait a second, don't we hot male PHBs get to take off our shirts and fix the porch while singing the dwarf song from Snow White?
Draco: How do you know about Snow White?
Caius: Muggle Studies?
Draco: Bloody Muggle lover. Hayden never took Muggle Studies.
Hayden: *stops crying long enough to preen*
Danica: Round Five consists of relating people and events in fanon to people and events in canon. The first fic will be -
XX: WE!
Stanley: I PROTEST THAT!
Spidey: HEY! That's MY JOB!
Stanley: She *points to XX* has written an entire THESIS on that bloody piece of *censored*
Tess: *faints*
Ron: You poor fool. You poor, poor fool . . . That's like saying SPEW to Mione instead of S.P.E.W. *shakes head*
XX: *attacks Stanley, predictably*
XX's Daddy and Various F&I-ers: *cheer*
Darko: Boy am I glad they made me stay when they did. This is fun! *pulls out random D/G flag and waves it placidly*
Depth: PA - Oh, I can't be bothered.
Shalei: Hey Guys! *suddenly apparating from nowhere*
