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Do you feel like you are at your wits end with your teenage son or daughter? You have tried everything and nothing seems to be working. Have you tried a mentoring program for them? Having a mentor in their lives can help in many ways. A mentor is another trustworthy adult in their lives that can give support. Mentors can be a youth leader in a church, a teacher, a pastor, or a close friend of the family. Knowing that they have an other adult in their lives will help them feel special that the person is taking interest in them. It is also good for them to know another adult because the mentor can be a reference for employment for them in the future. The mentor may also be able to encourage them in their gifts and talents. It is important that teenagers have someone that they can talk to and feel comfortable sharing difficult issues with. So mom, don't lose heart. There is help out there!!!

Take care & be strong,
Webmaster - Pam

How many of you are struggling with getting your children to pick up after themselves, to clean their rooms, to pick up their toys? What a frustrating and stressful job it can be!!!
Right? Right! I know because I am struggling with those same issues with my 6 year old daughter. I have created all kinds of reward charts, taken away priviledges, given allowances, and nothing seems to work over a long period of time. She can make the mess and pull out every toy in her room, but she complains that she can't pick it all up. She expects me to pick up her mess. But I refuse to do it. Well, I just couldn't take any more so I started cleaning her room. She got in there with me and started picking up her mess. I quietly left her room and when I went back into it I was amazed at what I saw. She had cleaned her room.

Moms, we are teachers, not slaves to our children. I know it will take your time to teach and train your children on how to pick up their rooms, but it is worth every effort. If you do every thing for them, what type of adult are you producing?

Take care & be strong! Webmaster - Pam

We hear so much today on functional and dysfunctional families. So what exactly is a functional family? Webster's Dictionary defines function as " a thing that depends on and varies with something else." And functional is defined as "intended to be useful."
For a family to function properly, everyone in the family needs to have clear and definite responsibilities. The roles of who the parent is and who the child is needs to be set. Sometimes in single parent families, the children are given responsibilities or they take on the role of a parent because of the absence of the spouse. I know this is difficult, but we need to make sure we are carrying the load as the parent. That is not to say that older children can't help out in some
areas of responsibilities that you may need help in.
To function properly as a family there are some essential basic elements that need to be adhered to. People need to be loved and accepted, be secure and relatively free of threat, belong, to feel part of a group, be approved and recognized for who you are, and the goal is move toward independence, responsibility, and decision making. If any of these basic needs are not being met in the family, than the family is dysfunctional.
But I think that the greatest element in a functional family is that the children see you " walk your talk". Are you following through on what you believe and value? Are you being that example that your children need?
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. But we can start over and begin anew. Each new day is a day to make a positive impact on our children.

Are we really listening to our children? How often through the day or even through the week do we really tune in and focus on our children, looking them in the eyes and actively listen? Or are we just looking for facts, like how was your day at school and etc? Are we listening for the emotion or hurt in their voices, or excitement? When your child is trying to tell you something, stop whatever you are doing, turn and look into their eyes and listen. Acknowledge their feelings by repeating back to them what they just told you. When we don't listen to them and acknowledge how they are feeling,it makes them feel like they don't exist and that they are not important. We live in a very busy world and we want to stay on schedule, but please don't be so busy that you neglect to listen, to really actively listen!!!

Today more than ever our schools are filled with hurting children and teenagers. They are walking time bombs filled with rage and anger ready to explode. For a while school shootings were almost common in the nightly news. What makes a teenager want to pick up a gun and kill innocent people? And worse what makes a teenager want to kill himself? I believe some of the answer lies in self worth or self esteem. How does your child feel about himself? And how do you help to improve on their self image? They may not feel good about how they look or how they dress. They may get teased and bullied at school. All of this can lower self esteem. But I believe it is so important to encourage your child at an early age to accept differences in people. God created everyone different. We don't all look the same. We need to celebrate our differences, rather than putting down someone because they are different. To build up self worth in your child you need to make them feel like they are special and are worth something. The choice of words are so important when we are speaking to our children. Words can either build up there self-esteem or they can break it down. Children need to feel that they are successful at something. Being involved in activities like music, art, dance, sports, gymnastics, and etc. will build up their self-esteem. Always give words of encouragement like "you are pretty or handsome", or "I like the way you combed your hair" or "that dress looks great on you". Tell them that you love them. "I love you", three words that are so simple to say, but not spoken enough. But most of all our children need to know that their self- worth is not based on what they can do or not do, but it is how they see themself through God's eyes. God loves us and accepts us as we are. And we need to teach that to our children. If a child feels good about himself, then success will follow him!

As I said before children want guidelines and boundaries. It makes them feel secure and loved. But rules without relationship breeds rebellion. It doesn't matter if we are 8 or 88, we all want to feel and be respected.

But it all starts when we are children. Think back to how you were raised. Did your opinions, feelings, and thoughts matter to your parents? Did you ever hear, " Do as I say and not as I do." Could you freely show your emotions, without someone saying, " What are you crying for or you shouldn't cry, you are acting like a baby. "

'm trying to shed some light on how we can improve our relationship with our own children. Developing relationship with your children is essential to them respecting you. Don't expect them to follow your rules with a good heart if you do not respect your child. The following are ways to start that mutual respect: 1. Acknowledge their feelings and talk about them. 2. Don't intimidate or embarrass them in front of peers. 3. Allow them privacy; knock on the door before entering their room.

4. Praise them for jobs well done and not so well done. 5. Encourage them to do their best and cheer them on. 6. And last , but not least, never say, " Do as I say and not as I do." That will breed rebellion quicker than anything! Be an example to your children in all you do!!! Yes, you can accomplish this! Take care & be strong! Webby-Pam.

How many of you single moms truly have a handle on discipling your children? Do you ever give in? Do you overcompensate? Do you follow through on your promises? Do you let things slide? Do you not want to deal with it because you are so tired, " Oh, well, that can wait until tomorrow." Are our children "out of control" maybe because we don't have clear cut guidelines for them to follow? Please, I am not trying to put the guilt-trip on you. But, believe me I am talking from experience. I can answer no to the first question and yes to all the rest. I have not yet arrived at being the perfect disciplinarian. But I am learning. I found myself, being the only parent in the house, overcompensating with Hannah. I would buy her things and give in to her trying to fill the void in her life. I learned quickly that doesn't work. She would grow up learning that she would need things to make her happy or content. We all make mistakes in raising our children, but the most important thing is to realize that, learn from the mistake,and go on. Our children need to see that we do make mistakes. They need us to say we are sorry to them for whatever reason. They need to see that we are not perfect. They need to see that we are trying our best. They will gain a healthy respect for us, then. Don't hide who you are to them. Be real with them. Our children need and want loving discipline from us. When we give them boundaries and guidelines we are giving them a place of security because they know what to expect from us. After all our goal is to raise self-confident, secure, responsible people. And yes, single mom, we can do exactly that! Please continue to visit us because this will be an on going discussion.

In the mean time please send in any ideas or comments that you may have on disciplining children. Take care, now, Be strong!!! Pam.